Flaming Ping Pong

The building was almost burnt down yesterday and it would have been my boss’s fault.  My boss discovered yesterday that ping pong balls are flammable (**DISCLAIMER – DO NOT TRY THIS).  For some unknown reason he took a lighter to a ping pong ball.  As is quickly became engulfed in flames, he jumps, blows on the fire ball, lets out a whispered “ow,” and drops the flaming ball.  Luckily the ping pong ball went out upon impact with the floor.  It should have ended there, but instead of learning his lesson, he quickly tells the NCOIC to grab a ping pong ball and a lighter.  The NCOIC is always down for some fun and he did not see what the boss did previously so he grabbed a ping pong ball and a lighter.  His first attempt he held the ping pong ball above the lighter.  The boss tells him that isn’t a good idea, so he holds the ball to the side of the lighter.  The ball instantly lights on fire.  The NCOIC yells, “Oh shit,” and drops the flaming ball right next to my desk.  It is still flaming.  He tries to step on it but instead kicks it on accident.  May I remind you that this entire building is made of plywood, to include the floor?  I quickly rolled my chair back ready for everything in the office to ignite starting with my particle wood desk.  He attempted to stomp it out a second time and was successful.  We all scooted closer to see the melted, flattened, black ping pong ball.  It was hardly recognizable.  The boss started talking about playing a game of flaming ping pong and injecting hand sanitizer into the ping pong balls.  It was at this time that I decided I needed to leave the office and find a good alibi for when they did actually accidently burn this building down.

My office is portraying that we want to extend an olive branch to the rest of this unit by hosting a snack party.  We hung posters advertising the party and until a few seconds ago, I too thought it was a kind gesture.  I have been informed that we are modeling this party after the movie “Dinner for Schmucks”.  If you haven’t seen this movie, it is about a group of wealthy people planning a dinner party with their own entertainment in mind.  Each person is to bring a “schmuck” to the party.  The goal of the party is to enable your attendee to say something off-the-wall.  The person whose attendee says the wackiest phrase wins a prize at the end of the night.  The guests can never know the plot of the party, which makes it all more interesting.  For our party, we are going to award the winner’s guest a certificate making him or her an ambassador to our office.  This could become an interesting party.  We have all chosen our guests and the game is set to play next week.