233 Days

233 days ago, I landed in this beautiful country called Afghanistan.  A lot has happened since that day and I am sure much will continue to occur in the next 22 days before I make my way home.  I have yet to receive a day off, although I will admit I have never asked for one.  I make the best of my time away from the office with coffee, sports, working out, hanging out with friends, and banana milkshakes.  Friends really do have an amazing effect of taking the burden out of life.  Thank you.

The first 15 Soldiers have arrived from our replacement unit.  They are currently conducting the necessary training to remain in country, something that is very important to us.  It almost seems surreal that they are here already.  We cleared out of MOD housing in preparation for the main body that will be arriving next week.  Instead of staying in a trailer-type metal building, in a room shared by three people, I am now living in a big bay with about 100 other females.  We are packed in there pretty tight with a few people on top bunks.  It is nice to know that there is an empty female bay across the hall from where we reside.  The only bad part about this arrangement is my working/sleeping hours.  Since my move to nights and my recent move to a bay full of another unit’s females, my sleep has suffered tremendously.  22 days.  Mark, the guy in charge of the building is a sweetheart and reminds me a little bit of my father.  He tries to make sure I am able to sleep during the day, but there is only so much he can do.  On moving day, he allowed me to take my blanket and pillow into the empty bay so I could get a couple hours of sleep before work while 100 females moved in across the hall.  As expected, a female NCO complained that I had an entire bay to myself even though I was only using it for sleeping purposes, none of my belongings were located in the empty bay, just me a blanket and a pillow, and I was told I could no longer use that bay for sleeping.  Such is the competitive/jealous side of human nature.  The bay is really nice though, so I really can’t complain.  The showers are bigger, the toilets actually flush, and since it is a hardened facility we don’t have to run to a bunker when the alarms signaling danger start making noise.  I could complain that the facility is further from work, that we don’t have any type of storage for our belongings (just bunk beds are provided), or that the bay is freezing cold, but  I won’t.  I am very thankful for what I have, 22 days left.

There is a lot waiting for me when I return to Fort Benning.  I am moving to a different state, so I have a house to sell and to empty.  I will have already purchased a new home by the time my flight lands State-side.  My new home is smaller, so I am looking to sell/give some items away.  I am switching units, so I will be re-integrating into the States, out-processing from my current unit, and moving within the first thirty days home.  I am excited for receiving the opportunity for a new career path and extremely excited to leave the unit with which I am currently employed.  I am sure there are a lot of people who can relate to this excitement.

Once the initial 30 day excitement has passed, I will be traveling home to relax and party for approximately 30 days before signing in to my new unit.  Those are my plans as of right now.

Victory Day

Tomorrow is Victory Day here in Afghanistan.  What does that mean?  Well…Mujahideen Victory Day is a political holiday observed in parts of Afghanistan, falling on the 28^th of April each year.  It commemorates the day when Mujahideen rebel forces overthrew Mohammad Najibullah's Democratic Republic of Afghanistan in 1992.  It is celebrated mostly by former warlords and their followers, such as the Northern Alliance.  Other Afghans are against celebrating the day because it marks the start of civil war, and the fact that the Mujahideen were not only Afghans but included men from over 50 Islamic nations around the Muslim world.

I had a very interesting thought today.  If the Taliban were to become decent, honest people, this country would have one hell of a security force.  Think about it, they fund themselves, organize themselves, train themselves, and execute missions both individually and as a unit.  If they focused inward on improving and securing their country instead of killing everyone who isn’t from their country or doesn’t hold their religious views, this place would be a very successful nation.  I am anxious to hear your thoughts and opinions on this.

Congratulations to Dad on becoming ordained as a Deacon in the Catholic Church today!  I am so proud of him and all the hard work he has put forth to achieve his goal.  I wish I could be there to support him as he has always been there to support me.  When he first learned the date, about a year ago, he told me the only acceptable excuse from me for missing this event would be a deployment.  I’m sorry Dad, but I think you jinxed us with that comment because here I sit in Afghanistan missing your big day.  Love you Pops!

I'm a Survivor!

Since last I wrote, a lot has happened.  I have survived an earthquake, a horrific sandstorm, two massive hail storms, a thunderstorm, and a girl fight that made me think I was in a ghetto. 

I have been working the night shift, which means I sleep all day (well, I try to anyway).  These days, I am thankful I am sleeping during the day.  It started with the earthquake.  I was asleep in my bunk when I was awoken to a gentle rocking.  I was confused; why was I rocking from side to side?  Was I having a seizure?  I rolled over and it stopped so I went back to sleep.  I thought maybe my stomach was grumbling so much that it was making me rock.  A quick flip to my back and the problem was solved.  However, this was not the case.  When I got to work, the first thing I was asked was “How’d you like that earthquake today?”  At least I can check that off my bucket list…Survive an earthquake…check!

A few days later, I was walking back from the Military Police station (that is closed on Sundays apparently) after a failed attempt at taking care of a parking ticket.  On my walk back, I decided to stop for a banana milkshake.  I am not sure why I enjoy these banana milkshakes so much, perhaps it is because I have only seen a banana twice since I have been here or maybe because my body craves the potassium.  Either way, they are fantastic and I urge you to go out and try one!  It was hot that day and the Police station was not as close to my room as one would hope.  Enjoying the nice, cold milkshake on the walk back to my room, I looked up at the sky.  On the horizon was an ominous group of clouds.  Definitely storm clouds, but they were not the right color for a thunderstorm.  They contained a red tint to them which told me this might be a dust storm.  I returned to my room to find my roommate was there taking a nap.  Ten minutes later we could hear the wind whipping outside and the sound of sand hitting the metal building.  My roommate asks if that is rain hitting the building.  As puffs of dust enter through our unsealed window, I reply, “Nope, I think that is all sand and dust.”  We both went into the hallway to peer through the windows.  Outside is nothing but dust and the hallway is quickly filling with dust spewing in from the windows.  We both went back to bed and covered our heads to keep as much dust out of our lungs as possible.  When the storm was done and we awoke, everything was covered in a thick layer of dirt.  That was not fun to clean.

That Tuesday, two days later, while I was working nights, I heard what sounded like a train outside our building.  This was odd because we don’t have trains anywhere close to where I work.  There is the possibility that there may not be a single train located in all of Afghanistan, but I do not have that knowledge to confirm or deny this fact.  Upon further investigation, I discovered that it was a thunderstorm complete with moth ball sized hail.  This was fantastic, as everyone knows I like a good storm, however, this was four hours prior to my PT test.  Thankfully it cleared up two hours later, and by the time the PT test started, the field was mostly dry.

That same day, as I was trying to sleep to a nice pitter patter of rain on the metal roof, I was abruptly awoken to what sounded like gravel being poured on top of my MOD.  My roommate and I went to the hallway to check if we were being buried alive in gravel or if we would live to see another day.  We were being attacked by golf ball sized hail!  The ground still has dimples from where this hail hit the ground.

The very next day, I had fallen asleep to the relaxing sound of rain hitting the roof.  I jumped as the loudest boom of thunder sounded and shook the building in which I lay.  Luckily, the relaxing rain continued and I was able to roll over and sleep once again.

Hmmm, I feel like I am missing something…oh yea, the girl fight.  I didn’t see any of it, but I have heard several witness accounts.  It was Saturday night.  It was movie night for a room of females in my unit.  They live in a separate MOD as enlisted and officers are normally separated in living situations.  The fight broke out because one room of females was trying to sleep while another room was trying to watch a movie.  The sleeping room knocked on the door to the movie night room and asked if they would turn down the volume of their movie.   They agreed and turned down the volume.  Moments later, the sleeping room knocked on the wall (I assume this was their way of saying, “Hey, your movie is still too loud”).   The movie room knocked right back and I think this is how tensions were elevated.  After a series of knocking, the sleeping room went to confront the movie room once again.  The movie room claimed that the sleeping room was always loud and that if they turned down the movie any more, no one would be able to hear it including those trying to watch the movie.  In short, the movie room told them to deal with it because the sleeping room was normally the loud room.  I know, this doesn’t really make sense in justifying the noise, but that is what was said prior to the door being closed and locked in the sleeping rooms face.  The sleeping room didn’t like this and kicked the door in to the movie room.  The movie room went to push the door closed again and slammed the sleeping rooms arm in the door; injury number one.  This is when the ghetto girl fight began; four females in the hallway attacking each other with fists, elbows, hair pulling, and kicking.  Any female that tried to break it up was pushed in the face or cussed out.  It was so bad the First Sergeant and the Company Commander were called in to deal with them.  A female in the MOD, an innocent bystander, is an MP who called the station.   So not only was the entire Chain of Command aware, but the MPs are now involved.  I spoke to several of the females living in the MOD to make sure they were ok mentally.  One said she felt like she was living in the ghetto and another had to be completely removed from the MOD for a few nights because she felt threatened and unsafe. 

All this to say, it is time to go home to the States!  47 Days!

Boston, Afghanistan

First, I would like to say my thoughts and prayers are with the victims, the families of the victims, and the first responders in Boston.  What a terrible tragedy, but we, as a country, will join together as one to support and rebuild all those affected.  This is a trait that I admire in people.  In times of misfortune, no matter the race, sex, origin, religious affiliation, or sexual preference, people unify for the greater good.  

This event occurred as my shift began.  I received a phone call from a coworker at another location.  He told me that there were two explosions in Boston.  I immediately looked at the big map of Afghanistan that is plastered to the wall beside my desk.  In a confused manner, I asked, “Boston?”  I had never heard of a Boston, Afghanistan so I was searching the map looking for where this place was located.  He then informed me that the explosions were positioned at the finish line of the Boston Marathon.  That was when it hit me; he was talking about Boston, Massachusetts.  I turned to my NCO and told him there were two explosions in Boston.  His first reaction was to check the CENTRIX computer which tracks all activity in Afghanistan.  I was inwardly relieved that I was not the only one that thought Boston was in Afghanistan.  I informed him that I was talking about Boston, Massachusetts.  It took him a moment, but then it sank in and he hopped back to the NIPR computer to check CNN.com.  We changed the channel on the TV to the news and there we saw the tragic events unfold over and over again as CNN replayed the explosions.

Tonight we continue to follow the events following the bombings.  24 hours later and already so much has been accomplished in regards to patient care and recovery as well as the investigation.  An NCO and I were discussing what would be banned next as a result of this catastrophe, but we are pretty sure bombs are already banned. 

 

Waiting for Breakfast

I was relieved from work this morning at 7am and headed over to the dining facility to meet some friends for breakfast.  While I was waiting outside for them to arrive, I saw some very interesting people.  There were two extremely thin blonde females that appeared from around the corner.  There is a smoking area 50 feet from the entrance to the dining facility and they stopped to have a smoke.  They were speaking a foreign language, and I can’t even begin to assume which language they were speaking, so I decided to ad-lib my own words. 

Girl 1-I am really hungry today, do you think we should go in and get something to eat?
Girl2-What? There is food in this building?  I thought this was just our special spot to smoke when we got hungry.
Girl1-Yes, there is a bunch of tempting delicious fatty foods in there which is why we can’t go in.  We don’t want to look like those fat Americans now do we?
Girl2-Oh, no of course not, but this is where all the fat comes from?  Good thing these cigarettes cure these strange pains in my stomach.
Girl1-Oh yes, see that American girl there, she is also not sure if she wants to go in, but she will eventually, just look at her.

That was the conversation in my head anyway, and I must have had something right in that conversation because when they were done smoking, they returned to where they appeared from and it was not the inside of the dining facility.

Then I saw an older woman walking along the side of the road.  It is not strange to see people conducting physical training along the roads, but this woman was different.  She was approximately 45 years of age, perhaps a little older, and wearing spandex shorts and an under armour type t-shirt.  Normally, this outfit would not call out to me as disturbing, however her shirt was tucked into her spandex shorts and she obviously spent a lot of money on workout clothes to simply walk around dusty Kandahar.  She was not fat, she was average, but who tucks a shirt into spandex shorts when not conducting anything short of a cartwheel?

Next, I saw a British woman pull up in a militarily painted Land Rover.  She was by herself and the truck obviously had no windows.  As I was standing there, she hopped out of the truck and looked around.  She saw me standing there and looked me up and down.  She did a slow walk around of the truck looking in all the places there should have been a window present.  Then she slung her weapon over her shoulder, gave me one more up and down glance, and walked towards the dining facility.  I don’t think she trusted me to stand next to her truck for some odd reason. 

Finally my friends arrived and we went inside to eat.  Today is the first time I noticed a true language barrier between the guy dishing my food and what I was asking him to put on the plate.  I asked for a small amount of bacon and pinched my fingers together to make what I thought was the universal sign for small.  I ended up with a plate of bacon.  I asked him if they had French toast today and he puts two pieces of fried dough on top of my plate of bacon.  I asked him for a large bowl of grits thinking that maybe this guy has the words small and large mixed up in the translator in his head.  I ended up with a large bowl of grits.  At least he understood something and I still had a good breakfast. 

As we were eating, I looked around the dining facility to notice some of the civilian contractors.  A few larger individuals were sitting close by and I noticed their trays were overflowing with food.  I wondered if they knew the dining facility handed out food four times a day every day.  Do they eat like that at every meal?  That would explain why they were so large.  Do they know there are gyms available here?  Then my thoughts went back to the two thin smoking blondes.  Maybe the conversation I created in my head was completely accurate because it was holding true, fat Americans eating all the tempting fatty delicious food.

It's Been A While

In a quick turn of events, I have been moved to the night shift.  This is a great opportunity to get away from my boss and return to the wonderful world of blogging.  Not only that, but now I am online and awake when my friends and family in the States are awake.  All around wonderful news, although I will admit when I was first informed I was not happy, but perhaps that is because I had already worked 6 hours prior to being told I was working nights starting that same night.  Also in the world of wonderful news, we finally received the authorization to work eight hour shifts.  These next 60 days should pass relatively quickly. 

A word of advice from the lesson I learned yesterday.  Do not stay awake for 29 hours straight.  While on night shift I think I was hallucinating.  I was so tired, I felt sick to my stomach.  When I finally hit the pillow, I started having the weirdest dreams; for example, I dreamt that everyone on Kandahar Airfield was walking around dressed like chickens, big yellow mascot type chicken suits. 

Tonight is not so bad.  I am well rested and full of coffee.  I think I can survive the next eight hours without hallucinations or falling asleep in my chair.  This experience makes me wonder how I ever stayed awake so long as a child.  I remember having competitions at summer camp to see who could stay awake the longest.  After three days, I started seeing penguins and decided to take a ten hour nap. 

What have we missed while I was unable to write?  Oh, I am moving to Kentucky when I return from deployment.  It is official and I have my Orders in hand!  If anyone wants to move to the Fort Mitchell, AL area, let me know, I have a great house to sell.  Thus far, the house hunting in Kentucky is going extremely well thanks to Dad, the internet, and email.  I am thoroughly excited to be moving closer to home and receiving a new job.  I am going to be working as a Health Care Administrator at the Fort Knox hospital providing administrative services to the Army’s health care facilities, specifically the Ireland Army Community Hospital (IRACH).  I will coordinate care delivered, advise on health care delivery and management, and establish/implement policies/procedures affecting the US Army Health Care System.  Sounds like a great position!

Bad Roommate

I feel like the worst roommate ever today.  I returned to the room late last night due to being out with old friends from a past deployment catching up on life over coffee and banana milkshakes.  The group of us lost track of time and before we realized how long we had been out there, it was 11pm.  I entered the room in pitch black darkness, groped my way to my area in the very back right corner and as quietly as I could, prepared for sleep.  Once I was all comfy cozy snug in bed, I realized I had to pee, once again making way for the opportunity to awaken my roommate by opening the door located in her area. 

I was no better this morning.  Instead of slapping my alarm to silence it, I punched it so that it went flying off the bed, hitting my tuff box, and eventually hiding under my bed screaming for attention.  Once that situation was resolved, I had the daunting task of trying to open my wall locker without it screeching.  I usually open my wall locker at night so that I don’t have to cringe in the morning while opening it.  Another fail in my corner, as the wall locker managed to screech louder than I think it has ever screeched.  I was no more quiet when I returned from my shower as I was seemingly tripping and kicking everything available for kicking and tripping over.  It was a morning that should have been spent in bed, in my opinion.

When my roommate arrived at work, I apologized for being so loud to which she told me she didn’t hear a thing.  I couldn’t believe it.

Loud Noises in the Cover of Darkness

Last night, there was a loud boom or thud or something that we hear on occasion that indicates an explosion in this war torn country.  I didn’t think anything of it because sirens weren’t sounding and I have grown accustomed to loud noises and earth shaking effects.  The lights flickered on and off for a minute as though the generators could not decide if they wanted to continue working or take the night off.  The final decision was to take the night off, as so many of us would like to do the same; the generators are the only ones with the guts to take action.  The lights went out right as I decided to grab a book to pass the time prior to falling asleep. 

I cheered a bit in my head because it meant my roommate would have nothing to do but go to bed.  It also meant the fan would be off and I could warm up for once.  But on the down side, it meant the water heater would not continuously warm water for my 430 shower.  My roommate returned from doing laundry.  Luckily, she was in the process of pulling her items out of the dryer when the power shut off.  The First Sergeant had handed out head lamps to the females, so we were walking around our blacked out building looking like coal miners the rest of the evening.  My roommate had a fake candle that she turned on, so as I entered the room after a trip to the bathroom, the flickering “candle light “ made it appear as though she was having some sort of prayer ritual in her area.  One of the females called the billeting office to let them know our power was out and began to spread the rumor it would be out until 0600.  I began to prepare myself mentally for a cold shower in the morning.  My roommate, while folding laundry, became flustered because the internet was out as well. 

Neither of us thought about flipping the light switches off, so when the power came back on at 0200, our room was as bright as daylight.  I arose from my bed to turn the lights off; my roommate was sitting up in bed on her phone, checking the internet most likely.  I went to the bathroom to discover the lights were still off even though the switches were in the on position.  I continued to prep myself mentally for a cold shower. 

Two and a half hours later, as I shut my alarm off, I grabbed my towel, my shower caddy, and a bottle of dry shampoo just in case the water was too cold for a shower, at least I would have clean hair.  The power was still out in the bathroom.  I said a little prayer and continued to the shower stall.  I flipped the nozzle up.  Cold water spewed out.  I told myself to give it a minute; nothing was for sure just yet.  I noticed the shower curtain start to move towards the flowing water, a good sign the water was getting hot.  I tested the temperature of the water with my hand and it was hot!  Thank Jesus! 

When I got to work, I was informed the power outage was post wide.  I’ll bet we have some pretty tired electricians here this morning that deserve a day off!

Easter and a 5K!

Our Easter grill out went fantastically well yesterday.  We cooked hamburgers, lobster tails, boneless chicken, bone-in chicken, and hot sausages.  The weather was gorgeous at a sunny and 74 degrees.  We played corn hole and I was called a ringer, a person that acts like they are no good and turns out to be really good.  I guess they forgot I was from Ohio where we hold corn hole tournaments.  We also had an Easter egg hunt in the street that passes by the front door of our building.  Of the 30 eggs hidden, I found one and it was not one with a prize in it.  It was small and pink with a tiny fuzzy chick contained inside.  One egg contained ten dollars, another contained a note from the First Sergeant dismissing the finder from one PT session, and the person that found the most eggs received a $15 iTunes gift card.  As half of my forehead became sun burnt and my stomach was filled past capacity, it was time to leave.  Granted, I started my day with a box of Girl Scout cookies, s’mores flavored goldfish, Reese’s Pieces, and a slice of cake (that’s right, the days of snacking have returned with the end of Lent…although it lasted until 1000), I made up for it at dinner with a salad and a cup of fruit as I sat and watched my unit place first in the Flag football tournament. 

I arranged with the new CPT to come in at six this morning so I could run in the Sexual Assault Harassment prevention 5K.  He agreed which meant I was not only able to run in the 5K, but I also was afforded the opportunity to sleep for an extra hour.  That extra hour made a world of difference.  I woke up not wanting to get out of bed, but I had the extra motivation of the only reason I was able to sleep this additional hour was if I was running this 5K.  My roommate mentioned the night prior that she was going to run with me.  She went to the extent of laying out her PT’s so that, in her words, she had “no excuse” not to run in the morning.  As my alarm sounded, she clearly announced she was not going. 

I wore my long sleeve PT shirt and shorts completing the outfit with my reflective belt and eye protection.  It was a warm day out, but not too warm to make me reconsider the long sleeve cotton shirt.  The sun was coming up and it was weird starting the race in daylight.  I always try my best, especially at the beginning of the race.  I was supposed to link up with a runner from one of our units because he runs a 25.  I wanted to pace off him so I could improve my time.  I could not find him, so I focused on my form and keeping a continuous pace.  Towards the two mile point, I started to become tired but I noticed there was an older gentleman keeping pace right next to me.  I decided to keep with him.  He and I bounced off each other and silently motivated each other to keep pace.  At times I fell behind and at times he fell behind, but we always kicked it in to catch back up to one another.  The last twenty feet of the race, he kicked it in and sprinted.  I, on the other hand, had given the race my all and could not muster the strength to sprint.  I came in at 26:06, a new personal best.  To top off the morning, they were passing out bananas after the race.  I have not seen a banana since I was back in the States.  They were perfect, slightly green and full of flavor.  They were not mushy or bruised, just perfect bananas waiting to make me feel better after such a rewarding run. 

Happy Easter

Happy Easter everybody!  I found my Easter Basket!!  Thank you Aunt Carol for thinking of me on this wonderful Easter holiday!  This holiday reminds me of the time I ate my entire Easter basket in one day and woke up around two in the morning puking chocolate into my hair and onto the hallway floor.  It stank so bad that Dad had to cut a square out of the carpet where I had vomited.  That patch of carpet is still missing serving as a constant reminder of what too much chocolate can do to a person.  For Lent, I gave up snacking.  Not only did I lose eight pounds and realize just how much I snacked, but I think I also picked up a healthy habit.  This morning as I sit here, allowed to snack once again, I find that I have no urge to snack.  I’ll give it a week and let you know how long it lasted.

This Easter season has successfully shown me what a bad Catholic I have been all my life.  I have learned that Jesus was captured during the feast of Passover, tried over night, and crucified the next day.  I originally thought all this happened over the course of a week at least and had no idea multiple religious remembrances were occurring.  How were my eyes so closed?  I have been a Catholic my entire life and yet, here I am in Afghanistan feeling like I have been clueless, like a light bulb suddenly turned on in my dusty attic of a brain.  What were they teaching us all those years in religion classes? 

I am also learning to put away my anger with people.  Instead of becoming angry and confrontational, I pray for them.  I pray that their ignorant eyes are opened.  I pray that whatever made them the way they are today can be forgiven in their hearts and allow them to live a fuller life full of peace, trust, and acceptance.  I pray for the strength to swallow my anger and turn the other cheek, the patience to accept them for who they are, and the wisdom to pray for exactly what they require to heal their souls. 

Facebook Funnies

It is my belief that people are naturally jokers.  People who are too serious simply have yet to find their funny niche.  When there is a prank to be pulled, there is no doubt that it will be executed, especially around here.  I was talking with the computer techs today when they informed me of a prank they pulled on a co-worker that had me laughing to the point of tears.

This co-worker is known for hacking other people’s FaceBook pages, often times leaving messages on their wall detailing something they would consider embarrassing and is never true.  We will name this person J.  J left his computer logged in with his FaceBook page up while he left to take care of business.  His co-workers took advantage of his absence and immediately attacked his FaceBook page.  They left posts on his wall to the effect of, “Why is it ok for people to like children, but it’s not ok to say you like 12 year old boys?”  Like I said, embarrassing false statements.  To top it off, they switched his page to Russian.  When he returned, he had no idea what his FaceBook page said, but to further frustrate him, he didn’t know what button to push to “Delete” the post, “Like” the post, or “Share” the post.  No one in the office was willing to help him figure out how to switch it back to English.  Luckily, FaceBook has a cool option to translate posts into English, so he soon found out what was posted by looking it up on someone else’s page, but was still unable to figure out how to delete the post.

No worries, he figured out how to switch it back to English around seven o’clock that night.

Women's History Month

I arrived at work yesterday to find a bag of trash in the middle of the female’s bathroom floor.  It was neatly bundled with a sign lying on top of it stating, “This is what happens when you don’t clean on your day.”  I shook my head.  Someone took the time to bundle up the trash quite nicely, search for a piece of paper, a sharpie, to write a nice little note, all in the time it could have taken to simply take it out.  Instead of taking out the cute little bundle, I instead added to the note stating, “And obviously this sign took care of the issue…One Team!”  I know this didn’t solve the issue either, but hopefully it gave someone a chuckle.

We celebrated Women’s History month yesterday.  The 1^st Sergeant lined all the ladies up in the hallway, thanked us for our service and for being female, and handed us a framed picture of Afghanistan with photos of all the females in our unit surrounding the country.  It was a sweet gesture.  When we were asked for a speech, I took the opportunity to thank my mother, father, and God for making me a female.  I think this is the first and only time I will ever speak those words, LOL! 

 

Breakfast this morning was peanut butter French toast.  A delicious combination I originally discovered in college while sitting with the football players.  I went for a good run yesterday, outdoors and not on a treadmill, (2.3 miles in 20 mins), so my muscles were screaming for some type of protein.  Peanut butter it was!  Pay no attention to the donuts on my plate, they are just there for decoration…until you aren’t looking and then they will mysteriously disappear.

 

T.G.I.Fridays

The flight nurse is proving to be a fantastic addition to our room.  I left work yesterday unknowingly returning to the room in time to bid the flight nurse a good workout as she left for the gym.  I was excited because this meant the room would be quiet for a while and I could nap.  My plans were to enjoy a run after work, but I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity of having a nap in a quiet room.  It was a fantastic nap and it lasted two dreamy hours ending when the flight nurse returned from her workout.  It was time for mine.  I left for a run, swallowing my dislike of people watching me, my disgust for breathing dust, and my distain for running.  I actually had a really good run.  I ran into a couple of Air Force guys who were also running and amused myself by out running them.  I could tell they took a hit to their egos just by the way they were acting on their run.  They would pass me, keep steady for a while, then stop to take a sip of water or catch their breath.  I was keeping pace with them when they were in front of me, but I think they became tired of me passing them because at one point they crossed the street to hide from the embarrassment of being passed by a girl.  My amusement ended when I decided I had arrived at my turn around point and they decided to continue down the road.

When I returned to the room, the flight nurse immediately asks if I want to go to dinner.  I look down at my sweaty, stinky self, chuckle and say, “I kinda need a shower first.”  She started talking to me about her workout, the book she was reading, and how she doesn’t think she is going to make it out tonight.  My roommate returns and asks if I was going to T.G.I.Fridays with them.  “Oh, you aren’t going to a dining facility tonight?  Let me hurry up and shower then.  Do ya’ll mind waiting?”  I asked.  I was suddenly motivated to shower, change, and go to dinner with them.  I will do anything to break away from the monotony these days. 

As I was showering, I was hit with a sudden urge to sing so I began to sing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” from the movie “The Wizard of Oz” as I lathered up.  The bathroom suddenly became awkward as I realized I was singing a duet with an unknown female that obviously knew the words better than I.  I quickly squashed my urge to sing and focused on the task at hand, preparing for T.G.I.Fridays.

As we sat down in the restaurant, all eyes were on us.  Imagine four females walking into a restaurant giggling, smiling, and happy to be alive in a combat zone.  We were definitely the group that was not like the others.  We were seated in a booth and the flight nurse immediately started talking about appetizers, burgers, and her healthy eating habits.  We ordered the fajita chicken nachos to share as an appetizer and I fearlessly tore into some jalapeños.  I have always been too scared to eat jalapeños because I have never enjoyed extra spicy food, but last night I took a bite out of fear and it was good!  Being the females we are, we all had salads for our main meal.  Mine was a chicken Caesar that tasted ok.  My roommate decided to order a brownie sundae for dessert to share amongst the four of us.  Upon the arrival of dessert, the flight nurse quickly shouted out that it was missing the caramel sauce.  When the waiter returned with additional spoons as requested, the flight nurse asked him about the caramel sauce, to which he replied they were out of caramel sauce, but would she like something else in its place? 

“Like what,” asked the flight nurse. 
“Extra ice cream? What do you want” was the waiters reply. 
“Whatever looks good back there.”
“I will make you a small sundae.”

When the waiter left, we all began laughing hysterically.  The flight nurse just received a free sundae because my roommate’s sundae didn’t have caramel sauce on it.  The ironic thing was that the flight nurse was just explaining to us about how good she had become at bargaining with the local shop vendors. 

The waiter returned with a small sundae for the flight nurse.  It had two cherries on it and he made the ice cream with the chocolate syrup look like a face.  We took pictures of the ice cream face which will soon be posted on FaceBook, I am sure.  As we were finishing, the waiter again returned.  The flight nurse thanked him profusely for the sundae and he was impressed she finished it.  The flight nurse explained to him that she was a good eater.  The waiter pointed to my roommate and said, “She looks like she is the good eater.”  We were in shock, but we understood there were cultural differences at work here.  We started laughing hysterically and somehow the waiter turned the conversation to say that my roommate had a good digestive system.  When he left, the flight nurse turned to my roommate and asked her what just happened because she was lost in that conversation.  We were laughing so hard we were crying as we recreated the conversation. 

We discovered the waiter is from Nepal, India.  In his culture, large women are beautiful and their size depicts wealth.  In American society, thin is in.  The whole time he thought he was giving her compliments while we thought he was calling her fat.  At least we all had a good laugh about it and no one was truly offended. 

The flight nurse had given up hope of finding a flight out of here to the point where she started planning our next going away dinner.  Sadly, our flight nurse boarded a flight last night and left us for her final destination.  She definitely added some spice to our life here and she will be missed.

Flight Nurse

There is excitement in my room that has lasted the last three days.  As my room is used as a transient room of sorts, I have all kinds of interesting visitors stay for a few days before moving on to their final destination.  This week, I had the pleasure of sharing my room with a rather friendly Flight Nurse.  Her job over here is to fly on Medical Evacuation (MEDEVAC) fights and provide in flight care along with the Flight Medics and Flight EMTs.  The Flight Nurse position was recently created due to a need identified by MEDEVAC crews here in Afghanistan.  Since this position is new, the big Army is still trying to create the Standard Operating Procedures and protocols for this role. 

She was only supposed to stay for approximately 12 hours.  She arrived with five large duffle bags, a large ruck sack, and a carry on.  Her luggage quickly overflowed the small space allotted in our room and I found myself tripping over her stuff every time I walked in and out of the room.  Her personality made up for her vast amount of baggage as she was very friendly, happy, and appreciative.  She was a wealth of knowledge and was eager to share it with us.  Her experiences as a nurse were entertaining as she regaled us with stories from her previous deployments, emergency room experience, and her specialty the Intensive Care Unit.  My only grievance was that she didn’t stop talking.  She talked so much that the first day she was with us I went to the gym three times in seven hours to get some alone/quiet time. 

Her initial flight was cancelled, so she was with us for an additional day.  I returned from work extremely tired and found her preparing to go to the Boardwalk to grab some food after her workout.  She told me about how she killed the gym and that she was jealous of our NATO gym because it was so nice.  When she left, I fell asleep and did not give the appearance of waking up when she returned.  I was too sore from the previous day to continue my mad workouts.  When my roommate returned from work, I “woke-up” and decided to head to a dining facility.  They wanted to join me, which was fine; I probably needed to socialize a bit.  My roommate and I took her to dinner at the Asian dining facility.  While there we ran into some of our co-workers, a radiologist and a psychiatrist, and decided to eat with them so they could talk to her for a bit and give our ears a break.  
An hour later, my phone starts buzzing informing me that I have a text message.  I open my phone to see my roommate, who is seated next to me, has sent me a message that simply stated, “Let’s go!!!”  Our guest was in the middle of a story about a man that reported to the emergency room stating he had a bug in his ear.  She told us she pulled a large cockroach out of his ear and I took this opportunity to stand up, say, “That’s it, we are done here,” and start to walk out with my tray.  In true societal fashion, the rest of the table followed my lead.  As we pulled away from the never ending gab, the radiologist takes the opportunity to thank me for ending the gab.  If two of five people did not want to be there, then why did it take me to pull the plug on the social gathering? 

We received word that she was going to be picked up around 1120pm.  Knowing there would be no sleep between dinner and her departure, I decided to check out the PX and head to the gym.  I returned to the room in time to assist moving her out.  As I grabbed a duffle bag, she looks at me and says, “Oh no, that’s the heavy one!”  It was already on my back and I was not having issues with it, so I looked at her and said, “It’s fine, give me another one,” to which she responded, “But, you’re so small!”  I have a love/hate relationship with people who underestimate me.  On one hand it is insulting, but on the other hand I like seeing the surprise on their faces as I lift things twice my weight with ease. 

We all exchanged hugs as she departed.  My roommate and I executed a sigh of relief as we entered the room free of all her stuff and finally free of her chatter.  We both immediately went to bed and knocked out.  At 330am we awoke to a knock on the door.  Her flight was cancelled.  We both arose to carry all seven of her bags back into the room.  My alarm went off at 430am as usual and I did not want to move I was so tired.  The next available flight is tonight…fingers crossed that I will no longer trip over her stuff at 430 in the morning!

Star Irony

I know it has been a while since last I blogged.  I apologize for leaving you all without entertainment for so long, but I lost focus for a bit with all the drama going on in my office.  Morale here is slowly improving in the absence of my boss who will be out for the next three weeks or so.  The new CPT is settling into his role of being in charge quite well and has adjusted the schedule to allow the shift workers to work shorter hours.  With my new found free time, I have found the Post Office to actually be open and was able to mail off a few packages.  We are about 87 days away from being unemployed over here, so I am conducting retrograde operations in my room.  I also made it to the USO to fall asleep in a recliner while watching a movie in their modified theater.  I have also been knocking out my redeployment training so I have more time to spend with friends and family immediately upon our return.  It is mostly online death by power point, so it really isn’t all that bad. 

Our priest returned from his two weeks of leave this week.  He was in very good spirits and told us he missed us.  He was regaling us with stories of home.  He mentioned that he came across some office drama while he was home and told them that if they had time to complain, gossip, and cause drama, they were not working enough and needed more to do.  I think that is what is wrong with my office.  We have entirely too many people “working” in this office and the boss hoards work for himself, leaving the rest of us bored and with lots of time to cause drama.

Another irony of church last night was that I had plans to meet friends on the boardwalk for coffee and people watching afterwards.  Part of the homily was a challenge not to judge people for seven days.  That is the whole point of people watching!  It’s like he knew!  With that guidance, we changed our plans and went over to the USO to fall asleep in recliners while watching whatever movie was playing.  We walked in towards the end of the movie “Django Unchained” which we had all seen, so it was easy to fall asleep in the soft plush recliners even though those were not our original plans. 

A very near and dear friend of mine asked what the night sky looks like out here.  She asked quite a while ago, but I wanted to provide a description that did the night sky justice and didn’t make it seem like an ordinary sky.  On most days, there is not a cloud in the sky.  Our night sky is especially clear because of this, but the sky is not like black glass it is more like black granite.  It is shiny, clear, and spectacular with thousands of stars coming out to see below somehow invoking a feeling in my stomach of awe.  That same feeling one feels when standing in front of an ocean, that feeling that says, “You are so small in this ginormous universe.”  The brightest stars shine through the darkness and constellations are glowing.  Whenever I am away from home, or feeling homesick, I always look to the sky to find the constellation Orion.  It is not only the name of the street I grew up on, but it is the one constellation I could always find as a child.  As I looked up at the sky last week for the first time since arriving into this country, the first thing I saw was Orion.  I felt at peace at once and stopped in my tracks to stare at him. 

It is always a nice feeling to have an outlet for stress wherever you are and it looks like the night sky is following me wherever my travels take me to help me find that deep breath of relaxation.  Have you ever stared at the moon to feel like you are connected to someone else staring at the moon?  Orion does that for me.

The Battle Captain's Creed

A couple of my officemates and I got together and created a Battle Captain's Creed to detail what we do and what mentality we should take to get our job done. 

The Army has a creed for everything, the NCO Creed, the Officer's Creed, and the Soldier's Creed...now we have a Battle Captain's Creed.

Acronyms are explained at the bottom

Battle Captain’s Creed

I am a Battle Captain

I am a Battle Cell Warrior

I have answered my Task Force’s call

 

I am a Battle Captain

My mission is to smile, file, and dial

I am faithful to the DTO

A proud tradition of SITREPs

And all EXSUMs must be just so

I am a Battle Captain

Guardian of BUB, BUA, and OPSYNCH slides

My battle buddy’s CAC card is my plaything

Its appearance is my duty

I defend my PC with my life

I am a Battle Captain

The center of all Task Force operations

Appreciation is not what I expect

Hot chow is a luxury

A day off is not an option

I am a Battle Captain

Administrator, Manager, Clerk, and Information specialist

I will never miss a suspense

I will always update the Long Range calendar

Distro list is my watchword

 

I am a Battle Captain

ACRONYMS:

DTO: Daily Tasking Order

SITREP: Situation Report

EXSUM: Executive Summary

BUB: Battle Update Brief

BUA: Battle Update Assessment

OPSYNCH: Operations Synchronization

CAC: Common Access Card (ID Card)

PC: Personal (work) Computer

Distro: Email Distribution list

Appreciate Life

We had five US Soldiers die in a helicopter crash the other day.  We learned about it on CNN.com right before the reports started rolling into the shop.  No one here wants to talk about it.  When it is mentioned, we all just hang our heads and say, “Sucks, huh?”  I had the honor of talking with one of the construction workers that was told to drop everything and help construct the coffins for these Fallen Warriors.  Even the small task of constructing a coffin carries a heavy emotional weight.  It opens one’s eyes to see how short and precious life really is, and how in the blink of an eye everything can change. 

Laziness or ingenuity?

I was doing laundry last night and realized the US has an interesting concept in execution here.  There were two gentlemen waist deep fixing a dryer.  One man was from Africa and the other was American.  The American was teaching the African how to fix the dryer.  He was quizzing him on which end of the drum goes back in first and giving him pointers on how to make the rebuild easier.  I saw the same thing with the construction worker from Cincinnati.  He had two men from India with him and one local Afghanistan man.  He was teaching them how to build, repair, and evaluate.  The Americans sit back, watch, and give pointers while letting their counterparts do everything else.  I don’t know if this is America trying to teach the world trade skills or Americans just being lazy.  What are your thoughts?

OpportunityLost

I was feeling so beat up by work yesterday that I wanted to cancel the dinner plans previously arranged with my MP buddy.  I didn’t because my roommate says I need to be more social and we always have a good time together.  I am so happy I did not cancel.  I felt so much better after talking and laughing with him.  He provided me an update on my opportunity that was not what I wanted to hear.  My MP buddy was informed by my boss that in order to allow me to work with his team, they needed to send a request to our higher headquarters so that they can task us with this request.  In making this request to our higher headquarters, my MP friends would not be able to request me by name.  Therefore my MP buddy asked his LTC to call my boss to see if this lack of a name was going to bite them in the butt or work out for the best.  His LTC boss called my MAJ boss to discuss, officer to officer, my opportunity to work with his team.  He also wanted to see if he could work out a deal under the table since they only required my assistance for 60 days.  His LTC said my boss sounded very shady in that during their discussion my boss said they could find someone better qualified if they were sent a tasker by our higher headquarters and re-iterated that they could not request me by name.  Since there is no guarantee they will be assigned me, they are not going to put in a request.  This is disappointing to me because there is no one else in this building more qualified for this job than I.  I am a prior service, MP, combat vet with strong deployment ties to members of this team.  Please tell me what nurse is better qualified to head out on a mission to a small outlying FOB and defend as necessary.  My roommate, bless her heart, doesn’t even know how to clean her weapon. 

I digress. 

Frustration

My COL pulled me into his office today and told me he has noticed that I lost the pep in my step.  He is somewhat aware of my situation in the office with my boss.  I told him I worked in a toxic environment and gave him a few examples.  I discussed it with him a bit more and he said he would think on things a bit and get back with me.  How am I supposed to work for a boss who tells me to be more professional while he is playing with a remote controlled car in the office?  I wonder what the COL is thinking of doing.

The girls and I had a complaint circle last night.  The three of us huddled up outside and just kept going around and around with complaints about this unit.  The sad part is that we all have legitimate complaints.  The noticeable part is that most Soldiers in this unit have orders or are awaiting requested orders from Human Resources to remove themselves from this unit as soon as we hit ground in the States.  That alone should say something about this unit’s work climate.

I searched my boss’s office today to find the original evaluation he handed to me (the one that says good things about me).  He requested it a few days ago so that he could make some changes as discussed with the COL and myself.  I couldn’t find it in the obvious places so I thought to myself, “Where would I put something I don’t want anyone else to find or see?”  My initial thought was that he went and shredded it himself, but he is too lazy for that, so I searched the shred box (the box we put whole documents in and hope one day someone will take it to the shredder for shredding).  At the bottom of the box, torn in half and hidden in the middle of a thick, stapled together packet of slides, I found my original evaluation.  I taped it back together and put it in my folder with the submitted evaluation as evidence of what a back stabbing idiot he truly is.  I am building a packet against him to prove I am not a bad Soldier and that he is a horrible leader.

I have sent him my award submission for when I move from this unit.  I have sent it to him three times thus far and have yet to receive any kind of feedback.  I have started to send it to him every day.  If it doesn’t annoy him enough to sign it and submit it, hopefully it at least grabs his attention. 

Due to budget cuts, Soldiers are no longer permitted Tuition Assistance.  We received this email early this morning.  This does not affect me personally because I never took advantage of this program, but it does affect a lot of other Soldiers.  This program assisted Soldiers with tuition funding for college level courses.  I find it interesting that this is one of the first changes we see out of the sequestration.  I know there are more cuts to arrive, but there is something that seems wrong about cutting out education first.

Confused

I realized in my office yesterday that I am not the problem.  While the boss was away at some meeting, the entire office was laughing and having a good time.  The interesting part was that the entire moment of fun stopped suddenly when the boss walked in and we all went back to our desks to stare at our computers.  So, either he was projecting onto me the day we sat down and talked because we talk about him behind his back or the XO read my evaluation and told him to change it.  The reason I suspect the XO is because I have spoken with every member of this office about the discussion I had with my boss.  Everyone gives me a weird look and tells me that he is crazy, they do not have an issue with me, and they know when I am kidding around.  Everyone finds me very professional when I need to be professional.  I also think it is the XO because my boss initially gave me a superb evaluation prior to changing it and sending it to the COL. 

This is what I am dealing with:

1.       My boss leaves the office for a week to go on Battlefield circulation.  Prior to his departure, he sends out an e-mail notifying the unit that while he is away CPT’s (insert new CPT’s name and myself here) are in charge of the office.  He also sets up the auto-reply for his Outlook email that also states we are in charge in his absence.  The boss walked me through the XO huddle meeting notes for an upcoming meeting with the XO detailing what he wants me to address at this meeting and giving me updates on topics that the XO will bring up.  My boss also informs me that I am to host his weekly Thursday meeting with the staff to include the XO.  He sends me the slides for the meeting to review and polish then leaves on his trip.  Upon his return, he informs me that while he was away, I was in fact NOT in charge and that ultimately the new CPT was in charge.  (I spoke with the new CPT, he was not comfortable being put in charge because he just arrived to the section and asked if I would take the driver’s seat on this being in charge thing)

2.       The boss tells me that I need to step it up and be more visible, so I volunteer to take charge of the upcoming Commander’s Conference, I rock at his Thursday meeting, and project confidence at the XO huddle.  He tells me that I have yet to step it up.

3.       The boss told me I was unprofessional in our office huddle when I clapped for the new CPT being put in charge while the boss was gone.  He told me I needed to step it up and assist instead of applaud the shift of responsibility off myself (the new CPT knew I was going to help him and not leave him hanging; it isn’t in my personality to watch someone fail).

4.       He tells me everyone in the office complains about me but only gives me two examples of his perceptions, not actual complaints from anyone.  I have spoken with every member of this office and no one has any issues.  They are actually appalled at the boss’s comments.

5.       He tells me that I have sent out ONE unprofessional e-mail.  The e-mail went out about a month ago and the only part of this e-mail that was deemed unprofessional was the header which said, “Dearest DRUs Located on KAF,” furthermore, he never told me he thought it was unprofessional.

6.       He says I am too bubbly when I say good morning and it is perceived as insincere.  Again, another perception issue.

7.       He tells me to be a team player but chides me for not taking responsibility on group projects.  I have also offered to assist in everything he is working on only for him to tell me, “No, I got it.”

8.       He tells me that I need professional counseling.  The last time I was informed I needed professional help, I sought professional therapy and the psychiatrist told me I was wasting his time and that the person who told me I needed professional help was probably the person that needed it.  (Oddly, this was true at the time, so I am inclined to believe it now)

All this is coming from a man who just hosted a party with the sole intent of making fun of people.  A man who is constantly putting down fellow co-workers, and stating he is the only person that works around here.  He admittedly cussed out a British Soldier in a dining facility for no real reason.  He spends time in his office making road warrior gear for the zombie apocalypse.  He searches the internet to post pictures around the office making fun of co-workers.  He spends a lot of his time on the internet and yet becomes angry when he sees me checking my personal e-mail.  I can go on for pages, but I will stop here.

I am still investigating this to see if it is personal, sexist, or influenced by the XO and am open to opinions.

Speaking of investigating, my investigation is closing quickly.  The only person involved that has supplied a statement is the Soldier I work with here in Afghanistan.  With that being the only evidence I have, this report will be short and sweet.

I have refrained from drinking coffee for the past three days.  I am trying to cut back on the amount of caffeine I intake on a daily basis.  I have already completely cut out soda and lent has me passing on snacking, therefore my sugar intake is down as well.  As everyone tends to replace one bad habit for another, I have taken to drinking tea in the morning now.  I think I just like drinking something warm in the morning, especially after my cold walk to work.