New Year's Eve

Yesterday, after work, I had a good vent with my roommates.  It was well overdue.  I am learning that no one in my unit is a team player.  After our New Years BBQ, I asked an E5 to reserve a plate of food for our two night shift personnel.  He told me, “If they want food, they should’ve come to the BBQ.”  Really?  This is the response from an E5 to a CPT in reference to two people who work the night shift so no one else has to work all night?  I had to walk away.  I made the plates myself and wrapped them in foil.  I taped a note to the top detailing that this was reserved for the night battle crew.  When the night battle crew showed up, I went to show them where their BBQ was located, but it was missing.  Again, I had to walk away. 

During my shift, the COL asked me to print out a list detailing the replacing units and their command teams.  I told him I would have to research that information and that I would have it to him in the morning.  My boss agreed that we would need to research the information.  An hour before my shift was complete, my boss asked for a status update on the file with the detailed unit information.  I looked at him funny and explained that we were researching the information and there was not much I could do at seven o’clock at night on a Sunday.  To which he pulls out a piece of paper and says, “We have all that information right here.”  Ugh, where was this an hour ago when he said we didn’t have the information?  It’s cool.  I handled it, and now I look super squared away because I got the information to the COL in half the time.

We have been experiencing issues with our DISTRO lists.  Issues such as you can send an email to the Battle DISTRO but no one will receive your email.  We have reported it to our tech guys and they in turn filled out a work order to have the issue fixed.  As I was walking around the building asking Section managers for their slide submissions for the upcoming meeting, I was met with a common response, “I already sent them.”  Ok, if I had them, I wouldn’t be asking for them.  Once, just once, I would like for someone to just say, “Ok, I will send them again.”  I am not mad that I don’t have your sections slides.  I am not getting you in trouble for not having your sections slides turned in on time.  Quite frankly, I don’t care about your slides.  I am trying to help you so you don’t look stupid in the meeting in front of the COL when your slide comes up blank.

Justice was served when the head of the Tech section arrived.  I asked him for his slides to which he responded that he sent them.  I said, “I don’t have them.”  He replied, “Well, I sent them to the Battle Box.”  I smiled and said, “We told you our Battle box was not working days ago to which you told us a work order had been submitted.  It still isn’t working.  Can I get your slides please?”  He put his head down as though defeated, because he was, and said, “I’ll send them to you.” 

Today has been quiet.  Nice and quiet.  Happy New Year everybody!  Don’t party too hard without me, but definitely have a drink for me!

Puddles, Puddles Everywhere!

I have decided to stop doing my own laundry.  From now on, I will drop my laundry off and have some stranger do it for me.  Why?  Simply put, I have too many issues when I do my own laundry.  From having to sit on a washer to reserve it, to dealing with inconsiderate laundry washers, and now having dealt with a washing machine that decided to break while washing my clothing.  That is correct, I put my laundry in the only empty washer to return finding my laundry sitting in a puddle of water and the machine blinking at me like I did something wrong.

I opened the door thinking it was done with the complete wash cycle only to let water pour onto my boots.  Ugh, now I don’t even know how much of the wash cycle was completed.  My laundry smelled like soap, so I assumed it was clean.  The floor was disgustingly dirty, so I pulled my laundry bag out and put it on top of the washer.  I started to ring my clothes out by hand letting the excess water fall to the floor.  As I got to the bottom of the washer, my sleeves and boots equally soaked, I saw the water inside the machine was brown.  Ick, “Maybe I should rewash these,” I thought.  All the other washers were occupied, so I made a snap decision to just put everything in a dryer and call it a night.  It was already nine thirty and I didn’t want to waste anymore time waiting for another washer, washing it again, and then hoping to get an available dryer.  It smelled clean, that’s all that mattered, right?

My one ton laundry bag in tow dripping a steady stream of water, I found an open dryer as the previous occupier was finishing up folding his clothing.  This is something I also do not understand.  The dryer is done drying your clothing and you stand there occupying the dryer, slowly pulling out your clothing, and folding it on top of the dryer while innocent bystanders waiting for a dryer stand with dripping, wet, and heavy laundry bags.  I finally throw my dripping clothes into the dryer, set it for an hour, and walk away. 

Forty-five minutes later I returned to find my clothes still soaking and the interior of the dryer just as wet.  I noticed the dryer next to it was empty and switched my clothing from wet dryer to dry dryer hoping this would give my laundry a fresh start. 

Another forty-five minutes passed.  My roommate is asleep and my other roommate was running her post office.  I went to check on my clothes one more time to find they were still very wet.  I did not want to keep running in and out of the room disturbing my sleeping roommate, so I stood there and waited.  There were two other females in the laundry room.  I learned that each had six loads of laundry to do and were occupying all available washers and soon all available dryers.  They were friendly though and playing music, so I stayed and chatted with them. 

On the other side of me, hovering awkwardly over two dryers trying to be flirtatious, was a rather large male E6 and a female E4.  I did not want to burst their morale bubble by telling them their flirting was inappropriate because of their rank and I did not know their situation; they could be married and just never changed names.  Highly doubtful with their level of flirting, but who was I to ruin morale.  There was no touching involved, just flirting and folding of laundry.  To distract myself, I leaned against my dryer and stared at two signs taped to the wall facing the row of dryers.  One was written in Dari and one was written in Pashtu, the native languages of this country.  There was a stop sign and two stick figures, one male and one female, with X’s over the chest area and private parts area.  The fine print at the bottom translated what was written into English.  It said, “Do Not Touch” in the stop sign, and the rest detailed what was considered an inappropriate touch.  I began to look from one sign to the other to find the difference in the two dialects, but since everything was squiggles and dots, I did not get very far.

As the couple left, I turned to check on my laundry once more.  It was still soaked.  The dryer next to mine was now available and before the other two females had a chance to get to it, I put half my clothes into it and started it.  Thirty minutes later, my clothes were finally dry!  I emptied the original dryer first.  Some items were still damp, but a night lying out in my room would easily resolve this.  The second dryer’s clothes were completely dry and the clothing nearly burnt my hand as I moved it from the dryer to my laundry bag. 

I had to chuckle a bit to myself on the walk from the laundry room to my MOD because my laundry was steaming in the cold air.  By the time I had my laundry folded and put away, it was almost midnight!  My roommate was snoring softly and my other roommate was still running her post office.  I set my alarm in hopes it would wake up my roommates in the morning.  I know that sounds vindictive, but I am the only one in the room that has to work on Sundays and this tiny ounce of revenge for all their foolishness makes me smile. 

We are having a BBQ today for the New Year.  A little early, I know, but Sunday’s are for relaxing and there is little to no manpower to grill, set up, and celebrate during the weekdays.  We are having Italian sausage, steak, chicken, salad, macaroni salad, and pie!  Oh how I love pie!  Reminds me of the last pie I made before I deployed.  Dad and I stole apples from the neighbor’s tree and created two pies and a big batch of baked apples.  Mmmm, delicious!  Can’t wait to do that again!  Get the apple collecting buckets ready Pops, six more months!!!

To The Batmobile!

I am beginning to believe that my two roommates’ sole purpose on this deployment is to serve as my alarm clock.  While my other roommate and I were still sleeping this morning, my roommate came back from her journey.  The moment she stepped into the room her phone started ringing.  I thought maybe she would answer it in the hallway for once out of politeness to those of us who were peacefully sleeping.  I was wrong.  As she yelled into the phone, I turned my alarm off and started to get ready for the day.  When I got back from the bathroom, the room was dark and she was asleep in bed.  “Just my luck,” I thought as I walked into the open door of my wall locker.  Oh well, I needed to be at work early today anyway.  I had a meeting to host and I have yet to walk the new LT through its setup because this is the first one he has witnessed. 

As I got to work, I saw chaos ensuing.  The normal tech guy was taking a day off because he is scheduled to work on Sunday.  He is the only one with the password to set up our meeting with the correct slides.  The new LT was confused and thought the meeting was in the conference room instead of on our computers with headphones and microphones.  To top it all off, when I logged into the meeting site, the slide presentation on display was from two weeks ago.  Luckily my boss was distracted by visitors he felt needed entertaining, so as I put out fires, organized the troops, and printed out slides, I was free of his added stress.  Once he realized he had a meeting to attend, everything was in place and ready.  Success. 

As lunchtime approached my co-workers started giving me a hard time about not eating in the dining facility.  I have several reasons for not eating in the dining facility, but simply put, it is less of a hassle to eat noodles in the office, besides it is cold outside!  Giving in to their demands, I went to recruit someone to go eat with me.  My new friend was going to a VIP lunch, so she was not available.  I asked several other officers, but they had already eaten lunch and had just returned from the dining facility.  My final option was a guy who I once thought was my lunch buddy, but was sadly mistaken as he now always gives me an excuse not to go and then goes with someone else.  His excuse this time was that he had too much work to do.  That was my last straw.  “Everyone wants to pick on me about not eating in the dining facility, but no one wants to eat with me,” I exclaimed.  To that he said, “Fine, I’ll go eat with you.” 

Lunch was actually pretty good.  They were serving roast turkey, garlic mashed potatoes, and broccoli.  It was disturbingly crowded, but at least the food was good. 

This afternoon has been nice and quiet.  My only disturbance was when higher called asking for information and trying to tell me what was happening with some of our personnel.  I corrected him on his information and then did his job for him.  If he had any common sense he would have done it himself, but I was happy to have the opportunity to embarrass him. 

I have actually started to like when my phone rings these days because I changed my ringtone to say, “To the Batmobile!”  It motivates me and I am in the loop now so I can actually answer correctly and confidently when people call asking questions or registering their complaints.   Speaking of ringtones, we changed our Movement NCO’s ringtone to say, “Hey Everyone!  Come and see how good I look!”  It is a quote from the movie “The Anchorman”.  It is hilarious because it fits the picture we all have of him on our monitors and we did it when he wasn’t here.  He was so shocked the first time he heard it and acted like he was upset about it, but he hasn’t switched it back yet.  We like that he has kept it thus far because it gives us all a good chuckle when his phone rings and he is sitting right there.  It is especially funny when we have visitors and our NCOIC calls his phone from across the office just to get people to notice and we all get a good laugh to include the Movement NCO.

Frozen Mud Puddles

I finally got the chance to re-organize and clean my area last night after work.  I try to mop on a regular basis to keep the dirt and dust levels down, but when I was cleaning last night, I couldn’t tell!  I removed most everything from my area and invaded both of my roommate’s space.  After sweeping under my bed I found a million dust bunnies, a pair of socks, a tissue, and a few sneezes.  I then mopped everything, reorganized my stuff, and shook my rug out relieving it of dust, dirt, and mud.  I then started  dusting all horizontal surfaces like my nightstand, bunk rails, and window sill.  Feeling better, I sat down to watch the movie “Brave” when my other roommate walked in to gather the things she wanted to take with her to the USO.  She had plans to attend the knot tying class tonight.

“Brave” is a really good movie and I highly recommend seeing it if you haven’t already.  I’m not going to spoil it for you, just tell you to go see it. 

My roommate did not return until late, but luckily she did not adjust the heater.  This morning I asked her how knot tying class was and she replied that the USO was too crowded so she just sat and watched movies instead.  The movie of the night was “The Crow” and she said it was too violent for her, so she ended up falling asleep to it.  That explains why she got in so late and why she didn’t go directly to bed.

I waited for her to leave for work before getting ready to leave myself.  She had more boxes to mail today and I did not want to get caught up in awkward conversation while carrying her boxes to the Post Office.  I made sure to bundle up because I noticed our heater working overtime this morning to keep the room at a moderate temperature, not to mention the biting chill in the hallway leading to the bathroom.  As I was walking to work, I noticed the mud puddles were frozen and I was thankful I bundled up.  I am wearing the thermals my parents sent, the long sleeve silk shirt the Army issued me, gloves, and my Army issued Gortex jacket in addition to my everyday uniform.  I have been comfortably warm all day and I get goosebumps just thinking about how cold I would be without all these layers.  The high for today is 40. 

An Interesting Dilemma

Probably What I Needed This Morning; Turtle Coffee

I got off work last night around 8pm, the usual time for my new schedule.  The Movement NCO has successfully scared me into always having a battle buddy during hours of darkness, so I went to see if anyone else in the building was heading back to our living area.  I usually walk back with our new NCO, but he is sick and went back to his room early.  As I was exploring the building, I noticed that my other roommate was still at work.  Perfect, not my choice of people to walk back with, but she was going my direction.  I asked her if she was heading back soon to which she replied she was and I asked if she wanted to walk together. 

She hurried to gather her belongings and shut her office down for the night.  In her rush, she asked me to give our roommate a call seeing as she left earlier today for another FOB.  Last time she traveled and we had not heard from her, we discovered she was waiting at the airport for six hours straight due to flight delays.  I called her and she regaled me with her near death experience aboard the tiny plane on which she flew.  She said things were beeping faster and faster while the pilot was flipping switches and levers and such.  No one told the passengers not to worry, that things would be ok, so she loaded her clip into her weapon thinking, “If this is going down in the middle of Afghanistan, I am not going without a fight.  This is gonna be some ‘Blackhawk Down’ kinda shit here!”  I started laughing because I could picture her freaking out on this plane.  “Girl, this ain’t funny!  I came close to death today!” She exclaimed.  I choked back my laughter, but told her I was glad to hear she was ok because I wasn’t sure I could deal with our other roommate by myself.

 As we left the building, I noticed my boss and his NCO leaving as well.  My other roommate and I left just behind them, but soon passed them because my other roommate wanted to get where we were going quickly.  Fine by me, I like a good speed walk every now and then.  As we closed in on our living area, my other roommate started pointing and directing me towards the Chapel Ministry Center.  I guess we had different destinations in mind.  I was about to inform her that I would be breaking off at this point to head back to the room, but then I thought, “Well, maybe this is God’s way of telling me I need more Jesus.”  I went with her to her bible study group and we arrived to find pizza, nice people, and a movie.  I now know a trauma nurse, an ICU nurse, and a female body builder that also works in the ER at the hospital.  We watched the movie “One Night with the King” which is not my choice in movies and was very cheesy at times, but it is based on a biblical passage…a short biblical passage that has been turned into a three hour movie.  After the movie, everyone in attendance made sure everyone had a buddy to get home and we left.

We got back to the room and I announced to myself that I would not be continuing my cleanup efforts from that morning.  It was bed time and I was exhausted!  I calculated what time I needed to be at work the next day, set my alarm, and hit the hay in time to hear my roommate commence with Post Office duties.  Surprisingly, I instantly fell asleep snuggled up with my turtle. 

I awoke to my roommate adjusting the climate control.  She likes a constant fan on.  I hate fans.  She asked if I was hot or cold to which I responded I was quite comfortable in hopes that she would not adjust anything on the thermostat.  After several beeps, she put the remote down and I was asleep once again. 

I awoke again boiling hot to find that in my roommates pushing of buttons to get heat and a fan on, she turned the unit to Turbo mode.  This mode turns on the heat and continues blowing hot air continuously.  I turned off Turbo mode and rolled over to find sleep once again.

I woke up for a final time when my roommate started pushing buttons on the climate control.  I gave in, turned off my alarm and went to shower.  I got back to find she had turned our climate control to fan only.  It was raining and cold outside.  Now our room was cold.  I quickly dressed to ward off the cold and started organizing my space.  I work so much better when alone and with my music, so I figured that by the time I was ready to clean, she would be gone.  I was wrong.  She left about ten minutes before it was time for me to go to work (925am).  So much for thinking she was on a 9-5 schedule.  Oh well, I will try again tonight while she is at the USO for a knot tying class.

Grinchy

Ah, the day after Christmas.  I am as tired as I usually am after the Christmas holiday spent at home.  My roommate went to the MWR Holiday party last night and came in like she owned the place.  The other roommate was running her FedEx as usual.  There would be no sleep for me and I realized this as my roommate began making her Christmas phone calls and yelling at the phone as though the recipient was deaf.  When she was done with her phone calls, she whispered in my direction asking if I was awake.  I wasn’t sure how to react to this, so I groggily replied, “Yea, I’m awake. What’s up?”  She wanted to tell me about the guy she met while at the Holiday party.  I was finally able to doze off a few hours later with The Grinch dressed as CPT America next to me and a stuffed turtle on my chest snuggled up against my neck.  It was a cozy Christmas night for me. 

I awoke early to the sound of my roommate’s alarm clock at 0540 and again at 0630.  I decided to just give in and get up.  I got ready for the day and commenced with sanitizing my area of everything Christmas.  There is an NCO in the office that is sending it all to Charity, so I figured I would donate to the cause.  I started cleaning and reorganizing my area, but stopped when I felt I was going to dig in too deep and be late for work.  Becoming increasingly annoyed at the noises coming from the Post Office my roommate was running, I decided to leave for work and finish what I started later this evening.  Once again, I got to work early, but my roommate wasn’t there, so I was happy.

It has been a quiet but busy day.  Everyone is trying to catch up on work that was put off for the holidays.  Everyone except my office of course because we worked through the holiday.  Yay!  So instead, my boss went to the requisitions yard which holds a bunch of random stuff collected from departing units and given out for free.  They came back with catcher’s masks, catcher’s shin guards, an extremely large roll of aluminum foil, and red and white striped poles that look like something an Olympic javelin thrower would use for practice.  Yes, that was a productive trip. 

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone!  I am at work today witnessing terrorists taking advantage of the holiday by attacking when they think we are most vulnerable.  Otherwise, it is a rather quiet day due to minimal staffing requirements and canceled meetings.  This is one of those days that I wish my chair was more comfortable so I could curl up and take a nap.  It is cold outside and there is a brisk wind that starts to sting after prolonged exposure. 

I started my day in church at 7am.  My plan was to attend the Catholic service at 7am and meet a friend for breakfast at the dining facility across from the chapel at 830.  The service was short lasting only 30 minutes.  The priest was tired from a crowded midnight mass, but was still happy to see us all in attendance.  It was too cold to wait for my friend outside the dining facility, so I went back to my room to warm up.  Leaving my room with enough time to keep to the schedule set by my friend, I arrived with time to spare.  I waited in the cold trying to keep warm by standing in the sun.  Five minutes, ten minutes, fifteen minutes passed by and I still did not see my friend.  I decided to wait five more minutes before entering and devouring the fake omelet I had set my mind to order.  I call it a fake omelet because it is made from powdered eggs.  My friend never arrived, but man was that omelet good!  I would not suggest drinking the chow hall coffee though, not even I could get past the smell of dirty socks to daringly take a sip.

I got to work early and it was a good thing.  Our new LT was clueless on what he was supposed to be doing in light of recent events.  I walked him through the process and once he was comfortable I logged onto Facebook to see how Christmas was unraveling in the States.  It seems like everything is undercontrol back home, so I will just keep holding down the fort over here.

SGT Santa Came To Visit

Twas the Night Before Christmas

Ah, Christmas Eve, a time for reflection, celebration, and work.  I started out the morning with a nice jog around the airfield.  It was a coordinated 5k run called the Jingle Bell Jog.  Proceeds benefit the Wounded Warrior Foundation.  It was the first time I have run not on a treadmill since my arrival to this foreign country.  5K is equivalent to 3.1 miles and I completed this run in 27 minutes.  I am just happy I finished. 

People dressed up for this run in Santa outfits, elf hats, and lighted Santa hats.  My roommate wore a Happy Holidays Santa hat over her issued fleece cap.  My other roommate attached lights and ornaments to her fleece cap that glowed and flashed at the push of a button.  She also carried an Elmo doll stocking and a big smile. 

It was funny to see the serious runners mixed in with everyone that was there to simply have fun for a good cause.  The winner was wearing spandex from head to toe with a specially made water bottle belt that serious marathon runners wear. 

I re-enlisted my first Soldier today with an hour’s notice!  I was so nervous and I wasn’t even the one re-enlisting!  I was hoping for just a small crowd, but we were using the re-enlistment to kick off our Holiday party.  Therefore an e-mail was sent out announcing the event prior to the festivities.  Focused on this Soldier’s shoulder, ensuring volume, articulation, and precise wording, I managed to re-enlist this Soldier flawlessly!  Smiles all around because I was proud, he was happy, and now the celebration begins! 

Next was the gift exchange.  I got a small pillow from an NCO from the personnel section.  She and I know each other well, so I was grateful for the new pillow seeing as my current one is flat and lacking in the comfort region.  There was a raffle to pass out Texas University sweatshirts.  Then we were invited to play games and each delicious food.  There was pie, veggies, melon, and sandwiches.  For drinks we had a couple bottles of fizzy grape juice, non-alcoholic beer, and soda pop. 

Once the main activity of gift exchanging was complete and everyone had collected their stockings neatly hanging in the main gathering area, my office closed the door and held an office counsel.  This consisted of sock puppets, a hammer, and a mallet.  This was our first office counsel.  The sock puppets are the judges, the Soldiers not on trial are peers that ask questions and are ultimately used as jury.  The people attached to the sock puppets are the defense attorney and the prosecutor.  I am not going to go into details, but it was quite hilarious.  I will post pictures as soon as I am able!

Fun and Dancing

Today has been a fun day.  I work with a bunch of jokers, therefore when working in this office, everything must be safeguarded.  We have all developed a sixth sense that can detect when someone has left their station vulnerable. 

For example, our Movement NCO not only left his ID card in his computer when he left the office, but also left his ministry website up on his monitor.  My boss’s desk is located directly behind the Movement NCO’s desk.  When he saw this, he could not resist the temptation of a good prank.  Our Movement NCO is ordained as a minister, has his own ministry, and has created a website to advertise and assist his ministry.  On his website is a picture of himself in a thinking pose, smiling, and wearing a white button down top.

My boss took a print screen shot of his desktop and emailed it to himself from the Movement NCO’s computer.  He then cropped out the picture, sent it to everyone in the office, and we all saved it as our desktop background.  When the Movement NCO re-entered the room, I greeted him and he instantly suspected something was wrong.  I started fidgeting with items surrounding my computer since I am in the front row and the easiest computer screen to see from his desk.  It took him a while, but he finally noticed his picture on my screen and asked, “CPT Staun, why is my picture on your computer?”  I responded with, “I’m not the only one.”  This caused him to look around and see that his picture was on every single computer screen in the office.  He started laughing so hard and asking how we got the photograph.  This is an odd question because not only is it on his website, but he left it up on his desktop for all to see!  Nothing like a little good clean fun!

When shift change came around, my roommate and my new friend arrived to pick me up for the Holiday Party hosted by the MWR.  It was advertised to have food, dancing, and fun.  My new friend said I needed to go have fun because I worked too much, so I agreed to go as long as they picked me up from work.  We walked over to the Liberty House together and were greeted by Santa Claus passing out raffle numbers.  We got in line for food first because we were all starving.  They were serving melon slices, carrot and celery sticks, cookies, sandwiches cut into small triangles, chicken wings, spring rolls, cake, soda pop, and French fries.  The music was loud and the crowd was small.  My new friend brought along a Santa hat but didn’t want to wear it, so I put it on and went into party mode. 

After we ate, it was time to dance!  It was fun to let loose for a bit, but then the crowd gradually became thicker.  It soon looked like an awkward high school dance with everyone on the edges in a nice circle and no one daring to dance.  They played a few songs like “The Cupid Shuffle” that had well known dances to motivate people to dance.  It worked, but as it increasingly became crowded, I correspondingly became more uncomfortable.  I think the same was happening for my new friend as she stopped dancing as well.  My roommate was having a blast and you could easily tell that she was enjoying herself.  She seemed at home dancing on the crowded dance floor.  As the level of fun decreased for me, I began to observe others in attendance.  There were men obviously in their 50’s trying to fit into this crowd of 20-35 year olds.  Gross was my first thought until I smelled something equally disgusting.  I turned around to locate the source of this smell and found a short rotund woman directly behind me.  As time went by and the music continued, I noticed she was dancing rather close to me even though there was a bunch of space behind her.  I tried to move left but there was an older gentleman there wearing his cap backwards, bouncing slightly to the music, and starring into the crowd of dancers.  I tried to move forward, but there was a young female Soldier in front of me.  I tried to move to the right, but my new friend was there.  With nowhere to go, I looked at my new friend and she asked if I was ready to leave.  It was like she could read my mind.  We told my roommate we were leaving and she told us she would be staying but reassured us she would be safe and would not walk back alone. 

As my new friend and I were walking back, she told me the short rotund woman had grabbed her bum!!  I was not the only on harassed and assaulted by this foul smelling woman!  We decided that we would find another outlet for fun the next time she thought I was working too much.  We got a good giggle out of this and continued our walk home.

My New Desktop

Apartment Style

My roommate (CPT) and I decided to rearrange the room last night.  She was tired of our other roommate tracking dirt through her area and her light always being turned on and in her face.  I was tired of the same roommate bending over in her underwear where I could see her.  Trust me, no one wants to see her G’ma bend over in her underwear.  I want to burn my eyes out but I don’t think that will destroy the image ingrained in my brain. 

Our previous setup had four wall lockers in the direct center of the room.  The roommate closest to the door had a wall locker set up at the end of her bed so that when she was in bed, she could not see our other roommate.  I had a wall locker at the end of the empty bed so when we had a guest, she could not see me from her bed. 

We arranged our six wall lockers to form three separate rooms.  When you walk in the door, the whole front portion is one room.  There is a y-shaped hallway that splits towards my section and our other roommates section.  This way, no one gets dirt trampled into their section, I don’t have to see anyone bend over in her underwear, and the front area is completely dark when it needs to be dark.  I tried to take a picture, but no angle was able to reveal the amazingness of this setup.  I actually have more room and more privacy. 

Our third roommate really liked the new setup when she walked in and saw the change.  We rearranged everything without telling her and while she was gone.  Probably not the smartest idea not to include her, but when genius hits, who are we to tell it no?  The downfall, however, is that she thinks she actually has her own room to include sound proof walls.  I figured this out last night when she was up until 3am doing what sounded like running a post office.  This woman is a serious hoarder.  She has bags upon bags upon boxes in her area.  She has so much stuff, she sleeps with a lot of it because there is no other space for it to occupy.

In the pictures below, I have labeled the guest bed, my roommate’s bed (CPT), my bed, and our other roommate (the G’ma). 

 

Room when we moved in...

 

Rearranged!



Photo Enhanced!

Today has been a great day!  We are trying out our new schedule that the new LT and I came up with and everyone in the office approved.  I was able to get my laundry done, workout at the gym, and take a trip to the PX this morning!!!  What a day!  Not only was I able to accomplish all of the above, but I also slept in past 5am today! 

When I got to work, I was in such a good mood that it began to rub off on my co-workers.  I walked in to serious and stressed looks on everyone’s faces.  Within ten minutes, my boss and the NCOIC were dancing to 80’s music and laughing. 

We were cracking jokes about the end of the world right shortly thereafter.  If we were intelligent enough and had the capabilities, we would be playing so many jokes on the world today.  Additionally, we wondered if those groups like “Anonymous” were pulling pranks today. 

I also had the privilege to listen in on a conversation between my boss, the NCOIC, and the movement NCO on ways to be spontaneously romantic to their wives upon returning to the States.  They claim to have used all their moves, which makes sense after 17 years of marriage.  They started telling stories of how they proposed and kept the magic alive.  Some of their stories are cute and romantic, but some are just weird.  The NCOIC once heard the song he used to propose to his wife on the radio while driving down the highway and pulled the car over to dance with his wife.  The other had a friend who was in the billboard business and therefore advertised that he loved his wife for free on a billboard.  I’ll let you decide if these are romantic or weird.  As the only female in the room, I was surprised they didn’t ask me for advice.  Thinking back now, it makes sense because I am the only one that is single in this office.

Our resident nerds (S6 Communications Section) were in our office today fixing the new LT’s system access and such.  The head nerd is also the Public Affairs Liaison.  He takes photos at our events and approves photos for posting and emailing to friends and family.  He also serves as the tour guide for media personnel in attendance to our functions. 

He recently traveled to repair computer components and networking issues at a FOB that recently got hit with a lot of snow.  He was stuck there for a while due to travel constraints, so he took the time to dive into his favorite hobby, photo enhancing.  Posted below is a picture of me that he took 30 minutes to enhance removing wrinkles, freckles, turning the background black and white, enhancing my color (especially my eyes), and whitening my teeth.  The results, as you will see, are amazing! 

Hello Kitty

Today has been a day full of meetings.  So many meeting in fact that there was no time for debauchery.   Luckily, I don’t have to attend most of these meetings because they are for my boss.  The ones I could attend, I usually don’t because I am busy Battle Captaining (if that is a word).  As fate would have it, I have trouble attending the meetings that occur in my office, and these gatherings are the ones I want to attend and listen in to provide feedback. 

When the night crew arrived, the boss finally sat us all down and opened the floor to discuss shorter shifts!  After the introduction to his point of view, the phone closest to me rang and I answered it.  It was one of our subordinate units calling about the format he sent in for his commander’s situation report.  I walked him through the new format and was off the phone in time to see a new course of action had been created but I was clueless on what was happening.  I wasn’t able to input my opinion and now I was lost in the conversation. 

As I fervently tried to catch myself up in this meeting, taking clues from what was being said, the doodles on the LT’s paper, and the looks on co-worker’s faces, the phone rang again.  It was the Battle Captain for our higher headquarters.  He wanted to inform me of a teleconference that was going to occur in an hour that none of us were aware of because it was just scheduled.  As he gave me the details, phone numbers, and who was supposed to attend, the meeting behind me ended.  I hung up the phone and announced the details of this message to the office.  Heads began to shake as we realized this would be a long night. 

As I asked the outcome of the meeting, the phone rang yet again.  It was the Battle Captain again with more details.  I feverishly took notes in hopes to finally learn what my schedule would look like in the coming days.  I passed on the additional information for this teleconference and once again asked for details of the meeting I missed.  Before I could get an answer, the phone rang again.  I pointed to the night shift and said, “You get it!”  As the LT answered the phone, I got the scoop on the meeting. 

Our boss is accepting the idea of shorter shifts…for now.  He is still against an eight hour shift but is willing to look into a ten hour shift with some overlapping elements.  This is progress!  We are in the process of creating new courses of action.  Once the boss approves of one, we will try it out for a week.  If he likes it and can see that we are still functional, it will stick!

Also in happy news today, I have decided to get back to my feminine roots.  This may become a Thursday event, but I am wearing a Hello Kitty watch that was sent to me by a friend.  It is nice to be able to wear something feminine in a combat uniform.  Little reminders like this really make my day!

Lake Kandahar

Due to all the rain we have been getting, Kandahar is officially a lake.  I had to take several detours to work because my regular route was under water.  I almost broke out my rubber CBRNE over boots so I could successfully puddle jump on my way to work.  I thought about it too late though and upon further thought, I didn’t want to remove them from their airtight packaging because then they would take up a lot more space than they already consumed.  I made a comment on my way to lunch to my companions that if I had my galoshes on and my mother was next to me holding my hand, I would be splashing in every one of these enormous puddles.   Oh, the childhood memories! 

We had another event last night that tested our knowledge of operational names and execution here on Kandahar.  This also went to show us that we cannot be contained in an office for a mandated period of time.  As soon as the initial event kicked off, we were stressed out and running around.  We made sure everyone knew what was happening, what was expected of them, and monitored the situation as best we could on our special network. 

Once we had done all we could and were in a holding pattern, the debauchery began.  We started by closing our shop door and creating a smorgasbord along our back counter.  We had Pepperidge Farms cheese and sausage cut up with crackers, prosciutto rolled with cheese and cut into slices, and popcorn.  When anyone not associated with our office walked in, we would yell, “Intruder Alert” until they left. 

We messed around with our office phones and figured out that we could change our ring tones.  We now have “The Imperial March” from “Star Wars” as one ring tone and the other phone yells, “Loud Noises” when it rings (a quote from the movie “Anchorman”).   

Our movement NCO was looking at some recent Intelligence Summary Power Point slides to become educated on the situation while my boss, whose desk is located directly behind him, was using a laser pointer to point out the words typed in Calibri on the slides.  Calibri is a font that our beloved XO despises and always circles in red on anything he is sent to review.  Imagine, my boss using a laser pointer from his desk to point things out on the NCO's computer.

When the “All Clear” was sounded and the night shift crew finally arrived we had to show off our newest discovery.  My boss called the NCOIC’s phone which immediately started yelling, “Loud Noises.”  Then our NCOIC called our boss.  “The Imperial March” began to play and when the NCOIC pushed the speaker button on his phone, our boss commenced with, “Kester….ssshhh…I am your supervisor…sssshhhhh…” in a deep voice.  We were all laughing so hard it started to hurt.

Hum Hum Humming

Today is one of those happy, sad days.  We are happy because our additional LT has arrived, but sad because the boss announced today that we will not be having three eight hour shifts.  Twelve hour days are here to stay.  With no explanation as to why, my concentration shifted to switching jewels in an imaginary Bejeweled game. 

I ran to work today which is a good thing because I have been upset with myself for not making it to the gym recently.  I was getting ready for work today when I heard what sounded like thunder.  I haven’t heard thunder in such a long time that I had to pause and concentrate on the noise before arriving at the conclusion that it was indeed thunder.  That and I heard the tink tink tink of rain beginning slowly on the metal MOD.  I threw my stuff together and ran out the door.  I had to make it to work before it started to pour!  I walked in the door, took off my jacket, and listened as the sound of pouring rain hit the exterior walls of the office.  YES!  I made it just in time!

I have started to notice that I hum when I become slightly perturbed.  I sing everything from Christmas songs to television show theme songs.  Today’s song is the opening song to the old television show “Three’s Company…’Come and knock on our door…’” 

As I sit here blogging, I am sipping on hot chocolate, nibbling on peppermint, and wishing I was smothered in blankets on a couch in front of a glowing fire.  Weird how people wish they were doing things they would never normally do in the states.  I think I have managed to have one fire in my fireplace and all it did was make my house smell like a campfire.  I do remember as a child sitting in front of the fireplace with a glowing fire warming the family room, hot chocolate in hand, cuddled up next to dad who occasionally got up to stir the fire or turn down the fireplace fan. 

We chose our Secret Santa names today.  Yes, I regrettably joined in this game thanks to the peer pressure from my office.  Luckily, I drew the name of someone I know so I have a good idea of what to get her…but really??? Secret Santa games in combat?   

How Bazaar!

I went to the bazaar this Saturday for the very first time ever!  Every Saturday, there is a bazaar held on the edge of post, but boxed in to protect from outsider threats.  Technically it is held on post, but with vendors from off post.  Anyway, you can find a lot of stuff at this bazaar and if you can’t find something, bring a picture of what you want and they will make it for you!  They sell rugs, blankets, jewelry, bowls, tea pots, cups, chess sets made of polished stone, vases, Coach purses, watches, movies, software, flags, headphones, scarves, kids clothes, belly dancer outfits, wooden bowls that fold flat, earrings, rings, bracelets, carved polished stone in whatever animal you can imagine, and the list could continue.  Every vendor is begging for your attention.  With a little stubbornness and the right words, you can get the price down.  I got a $25 pair of headphones for $14, go me!  On my tour, I was ambushed by two small children trying to sell me bracelets for a dollar.  They ran in front of me to block my forward movement, then came close as if to pick-pocket me, giving me those sad brown eyes and begging me to buy a bracelet for “Only one dollar.”  I couldn’t buy one.  All I had on me was a five dollar bill and I knew if I pulled it out, I would have five bracelets.  I put my hand over my heart and said, “No thank you, I do not have any money.”  To which the children pointed to the Major next to me and said, “Not you, him. Have him buy it for you.”  I got a good chuckle out of that comment.  I have to chalk that up to children being children and thanked the man who finally herded them back into his booth. 

We also had the grand opening of our new Veterinary Hospital.  It is the first building built completely by Afghan forces.  It is two stories, contains an OR, two wash rooms, offices, four exam tables, a therapy pool, and animal holding areas.  The floors are concrete and painted with drains built in for easy clean up.  This is a far improvement from what they used to have, a small tent and a small connex.  For operative procedures, they would borrow space from the actual hospital.  Maybe we can be their next project and get rid of this plywood box.

CPT Key giving the opening speech

Bejeweled

I learned at work today, that when you send out a template, no one actually looks at it.  I am presenting an out-brief to the XO on the results of the inspections conducted on our subordinate units.  I put together a power point presentation that represented each section that completed an inspection.  Then I put together a template with colorful arrows and boxes attached with explanations of exactly what I needed inputted in the box to which the arrow was pointing.  As each section returned their appropriate slides, I noticed that none were filled out according to my easy to follow template.  I know I shouldn’t be shocked, but how hard is it to double-click on an additional power point presentation to learn how to properly complete an assignment to prevent multiple submissions and wasted time?  And that is exactly what happened, I kept sending the slides back explaining that it was not what I needed, to please open the template provided and submit the correct slides.  And yes, I did finally give in and just fix them all myself, but how do I change this behavior so that next time I get what I need the first time?

I had lunch with the COL today.  He gathered all of his company grade officers in the dining facilities VIP room to socialize, eat, and discuss issues we may be facing in our current position and in our future planning.  It was a nice change to use a real ceramic plate, actual silver wear, and glasses.  Normally we have paper plates, plastic wear, and a cardboard box containing juice, milk, or a plastic bottle of water.  We were welcomed with a buffet line.  Each dish was served in shiny silver globes with lids that slid up and down to keep the food inside warm.  We had baked chicken, rice, beef stew, greens, mashed potatoes, tomato and cucumber salad, and broccoli cheese soup.  Large wine glasses were available for use on the table and the amount of silver wear per person was humorous.  There was barely enough room for the bread plate.   I have to give credit to the person in charge of this room.  They did well with what they had even though the wine glasses were different sizes and the spoons looked like they should be used for serving.

When the COL felt he was full and that we had enough time to socialize, he placed a chair between the two round tables full of officers.  He placed his green notebook on his lap and took a look around.  He started by telling us that we were the future of the Army and that he was on his way out.  His speech went on for a while telling us the importance of checking blocks and having a plan.  He made a comment that I feel was directed towards me in that location was not as important as the job you hold.  I started to zone out at that point and I learned a lesson about myself.

You know those computer games that display a board full of jewels and you switch the jewels around to make matches of three, then they disappear and you get points?  I am addicted to these.  I spend hours on my iPad playing these silly games.  I have three different app versions of this game.  When I run out of lives on one app, I click to another until all three app’s are out of lives.  Addicted, I know I have a problem.  I have admitted it on several occasions.  However, today my problem grew out of hand.

I learned that when I get bored and I am staring at someone, I start playing that game in my head.  I can visualize the gems over the persons face.  I switch gems, they disappear, and more fall into place.  While this gives the appearance that I am paying attention, I am shocked that my brain can do this.  I find it both awesome and troubling.  It happened again later today when I was talking with an LT, and again when I was bored by an over talkative NCO. 

Can you see the jewels switching and disappearing?

Rain?

This week, I found out what happens when it rains here in Kandahar.  It floods.  And it stays flooded for days.  We got a solid 12 hours of rain over night.  It was fantastic to fall asleep to the sound of rain hitting the aluminum MOD.  It was so relaxing that my roommate went to take a nap and slept through the night.  As I was leaving that morning, she woke up shocked that it was 0630 already. 

Preparing myself for work that morning, I heard the rain outside and it was coming down pretty heavily.    I had faith that it would let up for my walk to work.  That faith was not ignored as I walked to work in clear weather.  My former NCO arrived to work an hour later soaked.  I couldn’t help but laugh and rub in his face that it was not raining when I walked to work.

As I stepped outside, there was a moat of water surrounding the MOD, reminding me of my house after a good storm in Alabama.  Luckily we have rubber mats leading out of the moat so I was able to get to the road without soaking my boots.  Kandahar turns into one giant puddle when it rains, so my path to work was like finding my way through a maze, zigzagging left and right trying to find the driest route. 

My work day was a busy one now that I am doing enough work for two due to my lack of a Battle NCO.  (Can you tell I am still bitter about this?) Just when I thought my day couldn’t get busier, it did.  Towards the end of shift we heard a loud boom and felt a thud as the entire building shook.  I could feel my heart skip a beat and my stomach jump to my throat.  Everyone in the office froze and looked at each other with wide eyes.  Finally, someone made a joke to break the silence, “Did Big Fish fall?”  Big Fish is a nickname we have affectionately attached to our large coworker whose last name is the same as a certain fish.  We all laughed that laugh of relief until the alarms started to sound.  We all threw our favorite four letter word out and grabbed our hats and eye protection.  There were Soldiers lying on the floor as we moved outside to huddle in a bunker until given the all clear.  This is protocol, but we already felt the impact so the best thing to do was move to a bunker.  I started telling them to get to the bunker and that they were crazy.  Two hours later, and multiple announcements stating the situation was ongoing, we received the all clear.  Once in the building, we checked out the situation on our special network; a vehicle borne improvised explosive device exploded on the highway running alongside the FOB.  Many were injured, few were killed.  Before we could send our report higher, my boss noticed that the situation was already in print on ABC.com.

The worst part about this situation is that when I contacted home to say I was ok, figuring it was all over the news, no one knew what I was talking about.  I am officially in a forgotten war.  In the words of Dad, “Again this morning I searched all news sources and cannot find what prompted your "I am fine" comment yesterday.  But, there were no stories about anything happening in Afghanistan.  NOTHING.  Yes, it is a forgotten war, and you are really on vacation in some exotic foreign country.  Just be safe.”  If only it felt like a vacation. 

Me and my Boss