Baby Blue Paint

I am sitting in my new office today.  It is more of a general population area than an office.  I feel like I am sitting in a hallway with one exit to be perfectly honest.  The desk the new LT stole for me is still here and the walls have a fresh coat of baby blue paint.  I walked into the office and was greeted by the new LT who looked concerned about something.  He was logged onto my computer since his is not yet hooked up to the network.  He wanted to show me an email that the night LT sent to the boss and sent to him as well.  The LT requested to be sent home pointing out that he doesn’t feel mission essential and that the day crew doesn’t do anything anyway.  I know he has been upset for some time, but this was a shock to us all.  He is upset about the award he will be taking home after deployment, he is upset about a pending divorce, and he is upset that the boss wants us to switch shifts again.  He would rather work nights on Facebook for the rest of the deployment.  Let’s be real, that is all he does on night shift.  I ask him every night to review a project or help me put together a presentation and every morning I arrive to an email stating he did not have time to review/compile. 

So, now I have the XO breathing down my neck about this SITREP.  I handed it to my boss this morning for review after hoping the night shift would take a look at it, which didn’t happen.  Once his corrections were complete, I sent it to the XO.  The XO decided he did not like the product and made a visit to my boss’s new office to have a stern chit chat about the quality of the product he was handed.  My boss has way too much else to worry about that is a lot more important than a SITREP that is only going to be read by the XO.  Let’s be honest, what commander is really going to sit down and fully read four sixteen page reports?  Further proof that no one reads this report is seen when we include information in the report and we get calls a week later asking why no one mentioned said information.  My reply is usually, “It was in the SITREP,” to which they reply, “No one reads that.” 

Can you tell I really don’t feel like working today?  I made the additional corrections, but I didn’t turn it back in to the XO for several hours.  I don’t know why, but putting a time crunch on him makes me feel better. 

We are settling into our new areas today.  I acquired a corkboard somewhere in the transition.  It is a nice hunter green color and I have posted on it my calendar, work schedule, battle rhythm, and a collage of French Bulldogs I created.  I have the coffee station in front of me and the printers behind me.  I really don’t have a reason to get out of my chair.  The only negative about my location is that I am directly below an HV/AC system, but I have warned the E5 who has taken charge of the climate control remote that if he ever turns it on, I will castrate him.  There are two other systems in this office, so the system above my head being forever turned off is not killing anyone. 

Moving Day

Today has been such a busy day! I am incredibly sore from my abdominal workout to the point that I am lifting my legs with my hands simply to take my socks off.

I arrived to work at my normal ten o'clock time.  The boss was on speaker phone with our higher headquarters in a meeting regarding force manning levels.  I snuck in quietly and sat at my desk ready for a normal day.  The SITREPS were flowing in and I was ready to consolidate and proofread them for the boss.  The meeting ended and my boss left the office for a bit to discuss the meeting with  the COL and the XO.  Arriving back to the office around noon, he announces we are moving.

The office is in shock and immediately complaints in the form of recommendations not to move are voiced.  No such luck, we are moving.  The computer tech sections starts moving our Internet cords through the ceiling from our office to our destination.  My desk was the last to be moved.  Keep in mind that I didn't actually have a desk like everyone else in the shop, so just my phones and computers were moved.  I was set up on a shelf in our new office with about a foot of leg space.  This was to be my new home.  I never lost connectivity because the computer techs know my job is important.  I moved out of their way and let them do what they had to do.  Later, they thanked me for staying out of their way and informed me that because I let them work without interference my "desk" was the only functioning station.

In the middle of this move, the XO graces us with his presence and asks if we have all the SITREPs yet.  He sternly informs me that it better be done.  Cramped in my work station, I commence with putting together the SITREP.  Everyone around me is moving things, setting up their areas, shooting the bull, and not even close to be concerned with work.  Coworkers stop by and ask why I am so angry.  I point out to them that I actually have work to do and that I am the only one without a desk.

The new LT realized that I didn't have a desk when I started kicking the wall in front of me out of frustration.  My plan was to kick my way through the plywood to find some leg room.  Next thing I know, there is a small crappy desk headed my way.  I was happy though and set my area up.  I was proud that I finally had a desk and leg room!  The night crew arrived and the LT started complaining that the Battle Captains were always shafted.  I was so proud of getting a desk that I just said, "Do what you want with our area" and I left.  I was tired from all the stress of moving and trying to work simultaneously.  I am done with this day.

Free Abdominal Workout!

When the night crew arrived for shift change, the office was regaled with more information regarding the new LT being pulled over on his bicycle.  Apparently, when he was initially pulled over, he told the MP that he worked at the hospital and needed to get to surgery.  After all that and he still received a ticket. 

My room was dark with the exception of the dim light from my new roommate’s phone as she was talking with someone as I entered.  My roommate was asleep across from her, so I carefully made my way back to my area sans light.  It was FaceTime Monday, so I quickly dropped everything I was carrying and grabbed my iPad.  I turned my small lamp on and dialed in to Dad.  I guess my roommate couldn’t handle two people talking on the phone because shortly thereafter she got up and went to shower.  It is normal for her to nap after work on Mondays and get up when the room gets too loud, so I was not concerned and continued with my conversation.

My phone call complete, I began the process of settling down for the night.  It was going to be an early morning, so the earlier I got to bed, the better.  I could not go to sleep yet however because not all my roommates were present and I was waiting for a work related phone call.  My roommate returned from her shower and went straight back to bed.  Moments later our other roommate returned and the next thing we know both our new roommate and our other roommate on their phones.  That was when my roommate finally had enough.  She put on her PT’s and left. 

About an hour later she returned.  The new roommate was sleeping, the other roommate was on the phone still with her TV on in the background, and I was lying in bed wondering why I had yet to receive my phone call.  I sent a text to the night crew asking if they had the information I needed to pass on to the LT trying to get a flight out of here.  They had yet to check.  Ugh, but at least I reminded them and established a texting method of communication so as not to disturb my roommates.  Around 11pm, I finally received the message that there were no flights tomorrow.  I quickly passed the information forward and rolled over. 

The next thing I knew, my alarm was making loud noises and I could not find it.  I was drained and did not want to wake up, but I had to go to PT.  I made it out to PT in time for formation and did not realize how stiff my back was until it was time to warm up.  I miss our old warm-ups that consisted of rotations, stretching, and exercises.  Today’s Army warms up with lunges, bending and reaching, squat benders, windmills, and basically a lot of back exercises that my back does not appreciate so early in the morning.  My recommendation is to bring back the stretching and then go into the new warm up.  Just a thought from the peanut gallery. 

Once we were done warming up, the NCOIC of the formation announces that we are to do PT on our own.  Wait, you got us all out here to release us?  A few Soldiers took to the track that surrounds our PT field, a few others took off in the direction of their room, and the rest turned towards the gym.  I looked at my roommate, “You ready to go back to bed?” I asked her. 

“Naw girl, let’s go to the gym.”

“My bed sounds more appealing, it has blankets.”

“Come on, let’s go to the gym.  We’ll do twenty minutes on an elliptical and call it a day”

I found that to be a reasonable request and walked with her to the gym.  The gym was packed!  I did not have the option of a treadmill, but I was able to hop on the last elliptical for about twenty minutes.  I went to find a towel and sanitizer to clean the machine and ran into the personnel NCOIC.  She invited me to join her in a brief abdominal workout.  I like working my abdominals, so I agreed.  It was a good decision and a bad decision all rolled into one nod of my head.  We started with 80 sit ups, next was a minute in the plank position, followed by 30 cherry pickers (feet off the floor crossed, lean back, touch the floor on your left side with both hands, touch the floor on your right side with both hands, repeat), 30 toe touches (feet up in the air, lay on your back, reach up and touch your toes), 30 kick ups (lay on back with hands under hips, legs straight, feet six inches off the floor, keep legs straight and lift towards the ceiling and kick up, return to start position), and finally we did 30 frog kicks (feet off the floor, lean back, hands shoulder width apart behind you, kick feet out straight, bring them back in, repeat).  She wanted to do three sets of these.  I never thought my abdominals could go into muscle failure until today. 

Belgium Blue Moon

I left work early yesterday.  I took a sneak peak at the awards tracker and noticed that I was not receiving the award I felt I deserved.  I received the privilege of this preview because I put together the presentation for the COL.  My job has a few perks.  Although the new LT and I pre-arranged my early departure, I usually stay later because I am a workaholic.  Today, I was out of the office by 1pm, making my way straight for the pizza shop.  As I stood in line waiting to order a Hawaiian pizza, I realized that all pizzas, no matter the amount of toppings, were the same price.  When I was asked for my order, I requested the Supreme pizza instead because it came with the most toppings and I knew I would eat it all. 

An hour later, I was in my room with half the pizza devoured, snuggled up, and watching a movie.  I was a happy camper.  The rest of the night was spent finishing the pizza, washing clothes, and watching more movies. 

I arrived at work today to a wonderfully hilarious story involving our new LT.  He purchased a bicycle shortly after his arrival.  His reasoning was that the bicycle was faster than walking.  This mode of transportation was to afford him the opportunity to sleep a little longer and freeze less on the commute to work.  He was instantly bragging that it took him three minutes to get to work and that it took us fifteen minutes.  This morning, however, he was five minutes late because he was pulled over and given a ticket on his bicycle for running a stop sign. 

Once the laughter subsided, we got the rest of the story.  He was riding to work on his bicycle, as usual, with his reflective belt, helmet, and flashlight mounted on the front of his bike.  When he approached the stop sign, he looked left, he looked right, saw nothing threatening his chosen path, and pedaled on towards his destination.  The next thing he knew, he saw blue and red flashing lights and heard the “whoop whoop” of the siren.  He didn’t know what to do; he was so confused, so he just stopped.  The MP approached him and attempted to lecture him on the fact that bicycles adhere to the same rules of the road as vehicles.  The new LT smiled nodded, and continued on to work.  He must report to the MP station with the boss within the week and will receive points on his license…because that makes sense, points on a driver’s license for riding a bicycle.  No worries though, my friends, because none of this stuff transfers over to the States.

I went to lunch on my own today with plans to sit with a stranger.  The dining facility was crowded and I am guessing it was because baked Pollock was on the menu.  From a distance I eyed the dessert cart.  I usually avoid this area, but I was in the mood for something sugary.  They were serving ice cream today, target acquired.  But wait, “Is that Blue Moon ice cream,” I thought to myself as I noted the flavors, still from a distance.  One appeared blue and the other dark brown.  My hopes skyrocketed as Blue Moon is a flavor I thought only existed in Wisconsin.  As I approached, I saw the name card above the bucket, it said Mint Chocolate Chip.  My hopes were on the floor again, but I had to try this blue, mint chip ice cream.

As I was in line for some blue mint chip ice cream, my new roommate touched my shoulder to say hello.  “Oh, hi,” I said with my hopes for lunch with a stranger slowly hitting the floor as well.  I followed her to the condiments area and allowed for space between us as I took my time grabbing a carton of chocolate soy milk.  I noted where they sat, tucked my head, and walked right past the table hosting four of my co-workers. 

I ended up finding a small back table with an older gentleman sitting by himself.  I smiled and asked if I could join him, to which he smiled and motioned to a seat.  I was not sure if he spoke English or not, so I said hello.  He did not respond, so I kept quiet and tried not to look at him so as not to make things too awkward.  I started to smother my baked Pollock in tartar sauce and thought to myself, “I wonder what he is thinking.  I’ll bet he is saying ‘These Americans don’t know how to appreciate good fish, they smother everything in condiments.’”  I started feeling judged and as I reached for my carton of Soy milk, I noticed he was looking at me.  I smiled and stared down at my Soy milk.  He broke the awkward silence, “What is with Americans always drinking chocolate milk?”  I had to laugh at this, but responded with, “Because it is so delicious!” 

We continued our conversation and I learned that he was from Belgium.  This was his second trip to Afghanistan.  His first trip was six months, he went home for eight months, and returned to Afghanistan for seven months.  He did not want to return to Afghanistan.  He said this was his tenth deployment outside of Belgium and his wife was ready for him to stay home.  He asked if I was married.  When I told him no, he said, “Well, that makes this all easier for you.”  I wanted to argue, but he was struggling with his English, so I just let it go.  I asked him about his job.  He was working with the Afghan National Army (ANA) as an intelligence officer and he was going home soon.  He said it was different to work with the ANA, but it was nice to get out of the office and interact with the Coalition Forces. 

As he was complete with his meal, he politely excused himself and left.  I like my lunches with strangers.  I wonder what I will do when I return to the States.

I posted pictures on my FB page because this site has been giving me issues with uploading photos.  Enjoy!

Blue Screen

It was another early day at work today.   I think the new LT needed some rest and I don’t mind coming in early.  It is nice and quiet.  After two cups of coffee, a cup of tea, and three computer systems crashes later, I turned my focus to the TV.  It is on the movie channel but instead of a movie, we are following a Cheetah with her five cubs and an injured lioness with her pride.  The office door is closed today because there are construction workers working in the hallway outside our office.  We have so much secret stuff in here that they are unauthorized to see.  Instead of covering it all up, we just closed the door.  Now all we have to do is advertise the door code so we can stop getting up every five minutes to open the door.   I am starting to enjoy listening to people attempt to enter the office by putting in the incorrect code, twisting the door knob and nothing happening.  It is a game right now to see how long they will stand there and how many tries they will attempt before knocking. 

When I say my computer crashed, I mean it shut itself down.  When my work computer feels it is working too hard, it flashes a blue screen with a rather quick countdown, and restarts.  It is rather annoying especially if I am working on something.  This morning, the computer thought Facebook was too much to handle.  After three blue screens of death, as we call it, I became very agitated and just shut the whole computer off for about an hour.  It seems to be working now, but I haven’t checked my Facebook in a while. 

Because I started working so early today, I get to leave early as well.  Sunday’s are low manning days so we arranged our schedules in a way that only has us working for eight hours.  What am I going to do with all this spare time?  I think I am going to grab a pizza and head back to the room to watch movies and get some laundry done.   

Buddhism

Today has been an interesting day.  It was an early work day, so it started out nice, quiet and relaxing.  With a cup of coffee in hand, I searched the news online and of course Facebook.  When my boss arrived for the day, we set up for our meeting and began a discussion that I never would have thought we would have in a million years.  He is an agnostic when it comes to religion.  This morning he made the effort to attend a Buddhist meditation service just because it was something different and it was being hosted by the Army's first Buddhist chaplain.  He was telling me about the service when he shocked me with a comment.  "I think I am being called to this religion.  It really spoke to me."  We kept talking about the service and he mentioned a quilt that his wife made and sent to him.  It had origami cranes intricately sewn into the quilt.  After the service this morning, the Buddhist chaplain handed him a paper origami crane.  He also spoke about how he has trouble concentrating like he has ADD, but this morning he was able to relax.  The chaplain spoke of a house with five windows.  Standing outside looking at the house and seeing all five windows, a person could look and see monkeys in all five windows, but there is only one monkey in the house.  The monkey is just moving so fast from window to window that the viewer thinks there are five monkeys in the house.  Our minds work in the same manner in that it moves from item to item so quickly, one is unable to focus on just one window.  We need to focus and see there is just one monkey.  (I may have gotten this slightly wrong, but I think you can see the point). It was all very interesting to me.

Our conversation ended rather abruptly when the XO walked in, but you could tell he wanted to talk about it because he brought it up several times throughout the day.

When the NCOIC arrived for work, he carried with him a package from his wife.  Contained within was a tea ball in the shape of a dinosaur, a catapult toy, and silly string.  When the movement NCO walked in, he was immediately pelted with catapult ammo.  We had a good laugh at this and as one of the other NCO's made fun of him, the NCOIC pulled out his silly string and attacked.  I guess he didn't remember that I still had a can of silly string, or maybe he did, but at that point I whipped out my can and shot back in self defense.  And that was how the silly string war began, and that is also how I ended up sweeping the entire office.  Oh well, it was fun.

The Nerve

My other roommate needs to travel again, she has only been back a short while, but she is causing a ruckus.  Last night she went and took a hot shower, made a cup of hot tea as she got into her thermal pajamas (we call them poly-pro), and then, deciding she was too hot, turned on the air conditioner.  As I started to freeze, I curled up in a ball under my blankets.  I suppose she realized her mistake when she started to turn up the thermostat, but she left the air conditioner on.  I awoke still curled up in a ball this morning, cold and not wanting to move.  Once she left for work, I quickly snatched the remote and turned the heat back on.  I do not understand her.  If she was hot then she should have slept in shorts and a t-shirt like the rest of us, or perhaps taken a moment in our cold hallway to cool down for a moment, or even asked the other three people in the room if they were hot before adjusting the thermostat. 

Work today has been like pulling teeth from a hippopotamus.  I am collecting power point slides for our meeting with all of the units of which we are in charge.  The slides were due yesterday by the close of business, so I didn’t even bother compiling the slides until today.  I was missing slides from four of our units, so I started sending e-mails and making phone calls.  One Commander actually had the nerve to ask me if the other units knew about this meeting and slide submission.  I wanted to say, “No Sir, we have kept this meeting a pretty good secret for the last 119 days.”  I didn’t, but that was me showing good judgment. 

It is gorgeous outside today.  I could say the weather is perfect and not be lying.  It is sunny outside but it is not overwhelmingly hot.  The shade is nice and cool while the sun is nicely warming.  It is days like today that make me wish my office was outside. 

Hospital

Today started out with PT at 6am.  It was meant to be a CrossFit workout, but it ended up being a lot of squats.  Not that there is anything wrong with squats, but my legs feel like Jell-O now.   At one station we did squats.  At the next station we did burpees.  A burpee is executed by dropping to the ground, doing a push-up, and jumping as high as you can, arms reaching for the sky.  The next station was squats with a medicine ball.  The last station was jumping up onto a platform that was about two feet high.  After five rounds of these stations, everyone was feeling wobbly and it was obvious. 

My roommate and I went to breakfast together prior to walking to work.  On our way to work, we noticed an ambulance taking off at a high rate of speed.  We didn’t think anything of it, which is odd considering where we are located.  I dropped my roommate off at work and I continued on to the Hospital because I was due for a shot.  While I was there I discovered that one of our Soldiers had passed out on her walk to work and was ambulanced to the Hospital where she was receiving treatment.  That explains the ambulance. 

I have noticed that every time I enter the Hospital I have a different experience.  The last time I went in for a shot, I went in, received the shot, and left.  This time, I traded my ID card for a visitors pass prior to entering.  I then rendered my firearm to a nice Navy Soldier at the entrance.  I was greeted upon entering the hospital and was asked what I needed, directed to the appropriate desk, and asked to wear my visitors pass for all to see.  At the desk, I was told to fill out paperwork.  I was starting to feel like I was in the States again.  A Corpsman took me to the patient area, took my vitals, and a doctor returned fifteen minutes later asking me to pee in a cup.  An hour passed by between my entrance and exit from the hospital.  I wonder why my last visit only took fifteen minutes. 

Work today has been quiet.  I am ahead of my work schedule, so I was able to take a long lunch.  The weather has been so nice lately that it was a pleasure walking outside in the sunshine. 

Happy Day

Today has been a wonderful day.  I slept in today and woke up confused.  The lights were on, but not a single roommate was in sight.  The door was unlocked so I thought at least one of them was in the MOD.  Nope, they were gone for the day.  With that knowledge, I turned on my iPad and blasted some new tunes I downloaded during the night.  Our internet is so slow here that is seriously takes hours to download anything.  Rockin’ out to my new tunes, I knew today was going to be a great day.

Work has been relaxing and busy all at the same time.  Lots of people demanding lots of things, but I have everything they are looking for and more, so it is not a worry.  On top of my normal workload, the day is flying.  As it turns out, I have been so motivated in my work that I am a day ahead of my requirements.  Now I have to figure out how to spend all that extra time tomorrow.  Too bad I have to spend it in the office.

Newest Addition

PT this morning was fantastic!  After a short warm up, we ran three miles followed by some steps, another lap, some more steps, and a cool down lap.  It was not incredibly cold this morning and seemed the perfect temperature for PT.  My roommate and I spent our walk to PT discussing our new roommate.  We now have a full house.  In any other situation, this would be a winning hand, but in our situation it is a nuisance especially because our newest addition snores. 

This is how my night went:  I arrived to the room around 830pm.  There was a stranger lying on the spare bed wrapped in a sleeping bag like a caterpillar in a cocoon.  A head peeked out as I entered the room and she said hello.  I responded and went straight back to my corner.  I was a little confused, but the Army has taught me how to be flexible, so I continued with my previously scheduled program; work, FaceTime, gym.  I was on FaceTime with Dad, not really caring how loud I was, when I heard snoring.  At least I know she can sleep through anything and my FaceTime will not be discounted due to her presence.  Still on FaceTime, my other roommate entered the room.  Fresh off the plane from her travels, I hoped she would be tired and take to her bed quickly.   That was not the case.  She had been away from her corner for a week and was behind on whatever she does over there.  As I hung up with Dad, I heard her tinkering in her area with the Presidential Inauguration turned on in the background. 

I grabbed my computer and turned on a movie.  I knew I wasn’t going to be able to rest until all my roommates were present and the lights were out.  In the middle of “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past” my roommate entered the room.  She was returning from the Martin Luther King Jr celebration.  She said it was really enjoyable and the guest speakers were phenomenal, but she was tired and went straight to bed.  The movie ended and I decided it was time to try and steal some sleep.  My other roommate still had her TV on and was tinkering with something.  She kept turning her flashlight on and off and on again.  I finally caught some shut eye around 2am only to be awakened at 530am to my alarm calling me to PT. 

After PT, I decided to gather details about our additional roommate.  What we thought was going to be a stay of a day or two turned into an undisclosed amount of time.  She mentioned obtaining a key to our room.  I pulled my roommate to the side and we discussed moving the additional roommate and our other roommate into a room of their own.  It seems like the perfect plan since the two of them are closer in rank, one can sleep through anything, and the other can provide the anything. 

Box of Fun

We received a box of toys today.  I can’t even make this up.  We sent one of our office mates home and in return he sent a box of debauchery.  I walked into the office this morning and there was a glow stick with a star attached to the top like a magic wand.  I looked around the office and said, “What’s this?”  To which the movement NCO replied, “It’s your magic wand because you are a Princess.”  I smiled real big, “I’m a Princess?”  “No, I did not just call you a Princess, that was a mistake,” he said.  I started laughing and telling everyone that stopped by the office that Jeffery called me a Princess. 

We also received dinosaur hats, a plastic police hat, fake gangsta teeth, silly string, coffee, and chips and salsa.  Our NCOIC has been wearing his dinosaur hat all day.  The hats model the top of a tyrannosaurus rex’s head so the teeth are on an extra long bill and the hat itself is made out of foam.  The boss, looking solely at our NCOIC in his dinosaur hat, announces to the office that we may be visited by a General Officer tomorrow.  We all chuckled and promised to clean up our spaces and to not wear our funny hats, but that was after the silly string war, of course. 

I enjoyed a nice long lunch with my new friend today, but was saddened to hear that he is moving to a new FOB soon.  We had some good laughs nonetheless. 

Our new LT had the reconstruction bug hit him again today.  He found a crash cart and decided it was a perfect addition to our office.  In order to get it where he wanted it, he had to tear down parts of our TV mount.  The cart was unknowingly full of medical supplies such as gauze, Band-Aids, hand sanitizer, tape, nothing dangerous of course.  He emptied the cart and refilled it with our food stash items and it is now affectionately known as our MWR cart.  The top shelves are full of paper, binders, and other work appropriate items so as to camouflage our goodies from the rest of the building.  Yes, we are a selfish bunch, but we share amongst each other. 

Lazy Sunday

I slept in today until my back couldn’t take it anymore.  It felt good not to have to be in to work until 1pm.  The new LT threatened me that if I came in to work earlier than one, he would have words with me.  I know, big threat, but his point was made.  I planned on washing clothes, but it felt nice to lie in bed with nothing to do but sleep.  My clothes are still dirty, but I am well rested. 

As I walked to work, I found myself walking behind a young man swinging his hips back and forth like a woman as he walked.  His salute was even more amusing as it was overly energetic.  I never saw his rank, but I would bet my next paycheck he was a brand new butter bar.  His walk got me thinking about the way people walk.  I thought to myself, “He walks like a girl.”  I started to notice the way I was walking.  My physical therapist taught me not to swing my hips so much and to maintain control as I walk.  “I walk like a boy,” I thought.  Which rolled into, “Well, if I walk like a boy and he walks like a girl, then I really can’t say he walks like a girl because I am walking like a boy and I am a girl.”  Then I got distracted by a rock that my boot accidentally kicked. 

I actually stopped by the dining facility prior to continuing on to work.  I was hungry for some lunch, but was pleasantly surprised that they were still serving breakfast.  I soon discovered that on Sundays they have one side of the facility serving breakfast and the other side serving lunch.  I went with the breakfast option, although I probably should have stuck to what I was craving, lunch.  The eggs were watery and texture consistent with cream of wheat.  The bacon wasn’t bacon.  Instead they thinly sliced cooked ham, threw it on a skillet and called it bacon.  I was lucky enough to have my portion of bacon include pieces of bone.  Also on my plate was a breakfast burrito consisting of a layer of egg, bell peppers, and cheese nicely wrapped in a flour tortilla.  Dipped in syrup it was actually the best part of my sad meal.  I grabbed an A&W Root Beer to go and was on my way to work.

Once at work, it looked as though it was going to be a quiet day.  Appearances can be deceiving though.  As soon as the new LT left for the day, a last minute tasking was received from our higher headquarters asking for information about our units within the next few hours.  Looks like it is going to be a busy day full of phone calls and pleading.

Insanity

Today has been an interesting day.  I met a friend of my sister’s for lunch and was quite embarrassed when we sat down with two full bird COL’s and two LTC’s, all of whom I work with to include my TF CDR.  It wasn’t my choice, but as I walked past their table, they gave me a shout out and told me I wasn’t allowed to ignore them.  We sat down and I made all the necessary introductions.  One of the COL’s is a West Point grad, so we took turns reminiscing about the Corps.  When they left, we turned to our own conversation.  I ended up taking a two hour lunch, not on purpose, and upon my return to the office, no one said a word!  Thank Jesus!  I thought I was going to get razzed and felt like I was about to walk into the lion’s den, but instead was met with silence as everyone was deep in work. 

I think my boss has finally gone nuts.  He walked into the office carrying a blown out Gator tire.  I asked him what he was going to use it for, to which he responded, “Nothing.”  He is now quartering it with a sawzaw.  Again we asked him what he was doing and he responded with, “I am making armor.”  Ok Sir, do your thing.  The XO walked in while he was slicing the tire and asked if he was making a swing for the room.  Haha, what? 

We just killed the biggest fly ever!  It was about the size of a nickel!  It landed on my phone.  As I was ogling it, my boss, who was standing in front of my desk, started swatting it with a notebook yelling, “Kill it!”  When he finally managed to disable its flying abilities, he grabbed an empty water bottle.  As he was dropping the fly into the bottle he said, “And here you shall sit in your little prison for life,” in a voice you would normally find in a Monty Python movie. 

It's Magical!

We had professional development today.  It is a program we support once a month that gets senior leaders out of the office for a bit to learn about other offices, leadership styles, and available resources.  Today’s meeting was with a Civilian Ambassador Advisor who works on Kandahar.  I still don’t know what he does specifically.  He reminded me of the guy in the movie “Office Space” who burnt the building down.  His voice, his stutter, and his looks all assisted in making this assessment.  At the end of his briefing he asked if we had questions.  I wanted to ask him if he ever found his stapler.  I didn’t, but that was what I was thinking. 

Other than that, today has been a quiet day.  I made good use out of my magical deployment bowl due to the last minute task given to me by my XO to prepare the theater for Senior Leader Development.  I was on my way out the door to head to lunch when he walked by and asked if I was leaving to set up. 

XO: “Are you leaving to go set up for SLDP?”

ME: “Um, no, I didn’t know I was doing that today.”

XO: “Well, somebody needs to and you set this up didn’t you?”

ME: “No, actually the LT did when he was working day shift”

XO: “Well, Battle Captain…”

ME: “Roger Sir, on my way.”

Since I did not have time to make it to the dining facility, I made a big bowl of macaroni and cheese prior to heading over to the meeting site.  MMmmmm delicious!

This bowl has seen both Iraq and Afghanistan now.  While I was in Iraq, Kraft developed their single serve macaroni and cheese packets.  Since macaroni and cheese is my all time favorite dish, my parents lovingly sent these packets to me in their care packages.  Kraft had yet to create the single serve cup, so the problem I ran into was that I could not find bowls with which to prepare my beloved meal.  Dad sought to resolve this and stumbled across the perfect bowl to send, a deep, white, stamped “break and ship resistant,” Corelle bowl.  I could then consume my favorite snack whenever the mood struck. 

Unfortunately, the same issue arose here in Afghanistan.  Members of my family would send macaroni and cheese packets (which take up less space in a box than the cups) and I could not acquire a durable bowl.  To fix this, Dad sent what we now call the deployment bowl.  This bowl is well traveled and well used!  It is magical because it is still in one piece after all these years and deployments.

Sports PT

Today has been a fun day.  For those of you who are unaware, the Army frowns upon sports PT for several reasons.  These reasons include: injuries and a lack of actual physical training.  In contrast, sports PT is said to build unit cohesion.  Thus far, we have had two sports PT days resulting in one Soldier being admitted to the ER, one Soldier fracturing his wrist, one Soldier fracturing her ankle, and almost a fight.  The lack of physical training refers to Soldiers who watch the game and do not fully participate.  You be the judge.

PT this morning went really well even though we played Ultimate Football.  We began the game with a twisted set of rules created by someone who has obviously never played Ultimate Football.  These rules were similar to a two hand touch football game where the person with the ball could run as far as they could until they were touched with two hands.  Then the ball holder had to stop and pass the ball to a teammate.  This did not play well, as it never does in games of two hand touch.  The player with the ball never admitting they were touched and continues to run while the opposing team stands around yelling.  We put a quick end to this game and adjusted the rules so the ball carrier was limited to three steps prior to passing the ball to a teammate. 

With these rules, the game went on with players counting steps and taking pride in scoring points fairly.  As tension rose between teams, I witnessed a confrontation that could have taken a turn for the worst.  My former NCO and the COL’s driver were the two individuals involved and on opposite teams.  The COL’s driver had the ball.  My former NCO jumped on his back to get the ball or prevent him from throwing it; I am still not sure what his intent was behind jumping on the COL’s driver.  The driver pushed him off and told him to give him space.  My former NCO decided to guard him from the front instead providing full body contact.  The driver pushed him back, threw the ball square at his crotch and walked away.  Instead of taking the ball and continuing the game, my former NCO decided to do the “big man walk” (the one where you hold your head and shoulders high, taking big steps) up to the driver and bumps chests with him saying, “You wanna make something of this?” 

The 1SG quickly stepped in, telling the two to separate.  He yelled at the driver saying that it was unsportsmanlike behavior and to “never throw a ball at someone with the intention of causing harm.”  About a minute later, on the other side of the field, I saw my former NCO confronting the driver once again.  Shaking my head, I yelled at them to separate and ran to the opposite end of the field where I actually caught the ball and successfully passed it off to someone else!  Maybe I do possess some athletic abilities!

The company commander walked into the office today with the sole purpose of making fun of my lack of athletic skills.  He asked me how many times I dropped the ball and started laughing when I responded with, “I don’t know, seven?  But you all should know better than to pass the ball to me.” 

“You were the only one open.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to pass the ball to me.”

“No, but it does mean you have to catch the ball.”

“I caught one…and I deflected that one ball.”

“Yea, you did.  That makes up for all those balls you dropped.”

“Thanks, I was so worried.”

Room Inspection

I slept like a baby last night!  I woke up refreshed and ready to face a new day.  We have room inspections today.  My roommate kept telling me they were not until tomorrow, but I knew better because I make the calendars.  I warned her, but she did not listen.  I swept and mopped the room ensuring my stuff was put away and uncluttered.  My mother would be so proud of me and how clean my area looks. 

I got to work in time to see my roommate rushing out of the building.  She stopped me on her way out to tell me she was on her way back to the room because, “The inspection is today, girl!”  Haha, if only she had listened to me!  One day people will learn, unfortunately that day is not today.  I could have told her I already cleaned up, but that would not have uncluttered her area and a second mopping never hurt anyone or any floor.

The usual banter is tossed around the office today.  Co-workers are leaving early because the internet is down and they cannot access their Facebook accounts.  We now know what everyone else does around here. 

My workouts are proving effective as I am sore today, but I am not going to give up on my resolution.  It is not a New Year’s resolution because I did not make it nor did I start it on New Year’s Day.  It is my deployment resolution, mainly because I do not plan on stepping in a gym when I return home, unless it is my home gym.  My resolution is to make it to the gym every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  I did not set a time and this works perfectly with our company fitness schedule.  We have mandatory PT on Tuesday and Thursday morning.  I now have a 5 day workout schedule that provides variety and flexibility. 

We are watching a news story about a 3 month old Chihuahua that fell off an 80ft cliff.  We have a resident of California working in our office so of course we immediately start twisting the story to make it seem as though all Californians are crazy, puppy hating, hippies.   One of our final twists was that a Californian pulled up to an 80ft cliff and threw the puppy out of the car window.  Another twist was that a bunch of hippies were smoking it up and decided their puppy could fly.  Either way it was funny.  Not funny that a 3 month old Chihuahua was found at the bottom of a cliff, but funny that we were able to twist the story so much.  The puppy is alive in case you were wondering. 

For all of you who make fun of me for getting lost while using a GPS, the news just reported that a woman following her GPS ended up 900 miles off course. 

Follow Up

First, I would like to follow up on a couple items:

The nickname “Bulldog” was not approved by all personnel in my office because they felt it inappropriate to refer to a female as anything “dog” related.  I give kudos to my shop for showing respect and breathed a sigh of relief at not gaining that nickname.

My signs in the bathroom are not working, but my other roommate has become involved to advocate water conservation.  Together we caught a violator of ensuring the handle was in the full upright position and told her to fix it.

I did make it to the gym last night, but I was left alone when my hair fell out of its not so tight bun.  I also made it to PT this morning at 6 after an alarming wakeup and a cold visit to a bunker at 2am.  I learned at PT that I had an effective workout at the gym the night prior.

The Cornhole game is still in action after intense reconstruction efforts to the boards.  Now if we could just keep the bean bags from busting open.  Our solution was to order new bean bags which arrived today and have proven to be more durable that the original bags that came with the set.  Note to all: Do not play Cornhole on gravel. 

The French Bulldog I pointed out is pending adoption.  I hope he finds a fantastically amazing new home with people who love him to the point of never letting him go and never allowing him to be alone for long periods of time.

Now for today’s fun, an LT from the supply section came into our office today and removed his blouse revealing his brown T-shirt.  Upon closer inspection we burst out laughing because on his shirt he had a picture of our movement NCO pointing in the distance with a voice bubble stating “Don’t you forget it” and a caption above his picture stating “Simply the Greatest” as is his motto.  Our office’s debauchery is spreading to other offices and it is amusing to see the in depth pranks that arise. 

Spiderman!

I am feeling so much better today!!  Thank God this was just a small squishable bug!  I have heard many people expressing concerns about the flu, especially since it is so widespread in the States.  No worries, we only have four confirmed cases of the flu over here, and it is not where I am located.  One Soldier deployed with the illness and three others caught it from him.  Hopefully they keep it contained! 

I snuggled up to the movie “The Amazing Spiderman” last night.  Don’t ask me what it was about because I kept falling asleep to sporadically wake up, realize I had missed a chunk of the movie, rewind it to the last spot I remember seeing, to fall asleep about five minutes later.  This continued until I woke up to find the credits rolling.  I gave in, put my computer away, and knocked out until 830 this morning! 

Thanks to my efforts, we now have new showerheads in our bathroom!  They are nice too!  They provide great water pressure, are rust free, and have a wider spray.  Crazy what you can accomplish when you have the guts to ask.  Oh, our drains are no longer clogged as well.  Yup, no more foot baths while showering.  It was funny to hear the stories my roommate told when she returned from the shower though.  She would stand on the raised edges of the shower stall to avoid the foot bath and then tell me about it.  If she dropped something in the water, she accepted the loss and would go buy a new whatever it was and we would laugh about it later.  Glad I could fix that problem for her.

Work today has been quiet.  I am done with all my “work” for today and am just sitting around waiting to react to something if it should arise.  A very interesting job, I know.  I am planning on going to the gym later tonight and hoping someone confronts me about my hair.  I have it in a loose bun today knowing it will fall down as soon as I hop on the treadmill. 

Upon further review, the movie “The Amazing Spiderman” is highly recommended.  A new twist on an old story and a fantastic fit for the character of Spiderman makes this movie, in my opinion, the best Spiderman movie available for viewing. 

Sick Day

I am not feeling so good today.  It started last night with a slight fever and a headache.  I took some Advil, some cold medicine, and a sleep aid.  I didn’t get out of bed this morning until 845 when my roommate asked if I was going to work today.  I don’t have to go in until ten, so I wasn’t sure why she was waking me up at 845.  Oh well, good roommates look out for each other and that was all she was trying to do. 

I am at work now drowning myself in tea with honey.  My head feels out of it, so today has been a blur.  “Ferris Buellers Day Off” is on TV, so everyone here is distracted and not focused on the dozing sick girl.  All I really want to do is curl up in some blankets and go to sleep.  A friend of mine, in conjunction with her son’s first grade class, sent two boxes of hygiene and illness related items, so we are good on cold medicine, ibuprofen, and cough drops.  I will be back to myself in no time at all, so no worries. 

Members of my office went to the junk yard today.  It is a place where units drop off items they no longer need or use to be redistributed to authorized “pickers” from other units.  They were thinking of me today as they picked through all the abandoned items.  They brought back a bunch of glow sticks or Chem-lights as we call them, a pull down projector screen, rubber gloves, bleach, and shower curtains.  I was delighted when they handed me three shower curtains they picked just for me.  Not that I needed shower curtains, but I now have green, pink, and lavender shower curtains.  I can’t wait to add color to our bathroom!  They each came with curtain rings too! 

My other roommate returned from her trip today, but she is leaving again as soon as possible.  She and I sat down and had a talk about her late night outings and how worried my roommate and I were for her safety.  She took to it well and promised to call next time.  She appreciates our concern and will be better in her efforts to assure us she is safe.  She also mentioned that she does not want rank to interfere with our roommate situations.  This is great progress.  We are now free to express roommate concerns without her whipping out her rank, although I couldn’t see her doing it in the first place, it was definitely an anxiety brought up by my roommate. 

Simply Amazing

I have decided to make every day here an adventure and not put so much emphasis on making friends or hanging out with others.  I am finding that when I do my own thing, others tend to follow.  Since I declared my independence from everyone, I find myself surrounded by people.  Previously, I was always looking for someone to join me in activities and everyone provided me with more excuses than I cared to record, although some of them were quite amusing and worthy of recording. 

I have also begun to advocate for others who do things by themselves.  I make the extra effort to include them.  For example, I went to breakfast with my roommate this morning.  An omelet sounded really good and I was almost dressed anyway when she announced she was going to eat.  When we got to the dining facility, she picked up her boiled eggs, oatmeal, and plums while I waited in line for an omelet.  I took note of which side of the dining facility she chose to sit so I could catch up with her when my omelet was ready.  As I was walking in the direction she traveled, I noticed an LT from our unit sitting by himself.  I did not want to walk by him like I did not care, so I stopped and let him know that I was going to find my roommate and we would join him for breakfast. 

As I located my roommate, I saw she was eating with a member of one of our Preventive Medicine unit’s Soldiers.  Knowing it would be too much effort to move two individuals, I decided to move the LT.  I told my roommate that I was going to ask if the LT would join us.  We all get along, so she agreed enthusiastically.  I don’t know what exactly went through my mind in the next few moments, but I found myself grabbing the LT’s tray from under him and saying, “Just kidding, you are joining us” as I walked off with his tray.  He followed, not that he had a choice and sat where I placed his tray. 

My roommate and the other Soldier laughed when we arrived, me with his tray and him in tow.  They teased him that he really didn’t have much of a choice in the matter.  We all enjoyed our breakfast though and walked to work together.  Work was a confused storm when I arrived, but I enjoy being the one to fix everything, and that was what I did.  No one noticed I was at work early (which is a good thing), and twenty minutes later, the meeting was properly setup, the confusion was dispersed, and the new LT was ready to brief.

I am finding I have a lot more energy these days.  It all started when my other roommate decided to travel the country and close the post office for a while.  My roommate and I were knocked out by 9 last night and slept until 7am; simply amazing. 

Gym Time!

I have many reasons for not liking the gym.  One of my top reasons is that I feel the gym is a place of judgment.  As soon as I walk through the door, I can detect a hundred eyes turning my direction and making snap judgments.  It takes a lot of false motivation to get myself into a gym.  I love the workout, and I love the results, but I absolutely hate going to the gym.

I made it into the gym yesterday after a lot of self convincing.  The new LT and I exchanged shifts for a day leaving me with an afternoon of time to accomplish anything my heart desired.  As I walked through the gym doors, I ducked my head down, dodging weightlifters as I made a bee-line for the sign-in table to obtain a key for a treadmill.  I was lucky enough to sign up for the very last treadmill available.  I hopped on and started my warm up as I untangled my iPod headphones and chose a playlist.  Every couple of minutes, as I felt ready, I would increase my pace until I arrived at a pace that was a challenge but not too difficult.  As I reached my optimal pace, my hair which was in a tight little bun, decided it wanted to stretch and join the workout.  I resolved to continue my run and fix my hair when my workout was complete.  This solution made sense in my head seeing as my hair was not hurting anything and I was contained in a gym.  For those of you who are not aware, the military has a policy about hair which limits you to a bun.  This is not the exact wording from the regulation, but you get the idea. 

I was towards the end of my workout, but not quite to cool down mode when a female in Army PT’s approached my treadmill.  I was not sure what to make of her arrival to my treadmill because there were other treadmills available.  If she was here to tell me to fix my hair, I better start calming down now.  I knew I couldn’t argue with this woman because of a recent incident involving a fellow CPT and his five toe shoes.  Long story short, Army personnel are not allowed to wear the five toe shoes for PT while in uniform.  He worked out with the COL on one occasion and the COL did not say anything about him wearing his five toe shoes.  He went to workout with an E5 a few weeks later and a female Sergeant Major approached him saying he was not authorized to wear those shoes.  Instead of making the correction, he told the SGM that his COL told him he could wear these shoes for PT.  She took his name, rank, unit, and COL’s name and took action.  Much to say, the COL was not happy with this CPT.

I started thinking of courses of action to take with this situation that wouldn’t land me in the COL’s office.  She advanced to the side of my treadmill and I ignored her presence focusing on running, the TV’s in the distance, and my music.  She reached out to touch my elbow and I ignored that too.  It didn’t look like the gym was on fire, so I saw no need to treat her efforts at grabbing my attention as an emergency.  She finally approached the front of the treadmill.  We stared at each other as I ran.  She pointed to her ears in an attempt to communicate that she wanted me to remove my headphones.  I looked her up and down with a quizzical look on my face so she would think I was just confused by her gesture.  She was not a large woman, but she was not small, petite, or even close to making the Army height/weight standards. 

I was not going to be able to evade her correcting me about my hair, I could tell by looking at her.  So I decided to politely have a little fun.  I turned off my treadmill, took out my ear buds, grabbed my towel and looked at her. 

In my best innocent voice I said, “Oh, did you want to use this treadmill?” 

I put my stuff on the floor and started stretching while I fixed my hair. 

She started to say, “Oh, no, I just wanted…” 

I cut her off, “You just have to sign for it at that table down there.  I will walk you down there so you can have this one.”  I said as I grabbed the emergency stop key to take back to the sign in table.  She looked like I had thrown her off guard and followed me to the table.

“Do I know you, you look really familiar” I said as I guided her to the table to turn in my treadmill key. 

I walked her all the way to the sign-in table, turned my key in, and directed her to sign in before she piped up with, “Oh, no, I just wanted you to fix your hair.”

“Oh, is there something wrong with it?”  I said as I reached up and grabbed my bun.

“You fixed it now, but it was down when you were running.”

“Oh, yea, that doesn’t happen to you?”

Avoiding a response I quickly looked at my watch, touched her arm and said, “I have to go, but thank you for stopping my workout, otherwise I would have been late!”

I ran off.  It was a lie, but it was the best way to end the conversation.  My cool down was a jog back to my room followed by a good abdominal workout. 

My roommate and I got a good laugh about it later.  She agreed that was the best way to handle it since she would have gone off on the poor woman.

We will add this to the list of reasons why I don’t like going to the gym.

Flush It!

I spent yesterday fixing problems and putting together reports from 16 different units.  That is correct, we picked up an additional four units because another Task Force was apparently overloaded.  That Task Force is now down to two units not counting their headquarters company.  We are ok with this decision, it makes us look good and we can handle it because we are organized and we know what we are doing.  At least we look like we know what we are doing.  I also picked up a new nickname.

At our location, we have the luxury of indoor plumbing.  We like this indoor plumbing, especially now that it is cold outside.   In order to have indoor plumbing, we have an enormous water jug outside our building.  This water jug is filled by a water truck every morning and every night.  If we run out of water, we have wonderful port-o-potties outside.  It is on rare occasion that we run out of water, but lately it has been happening more often.  Initially, we ran out of water because a toilet in the men’s room was broken and continuously running.  We got the toilet fixed and the problem was resolved.  Then we had a toilet break in the ladies room, or so we thought.  We called the plumber who stopped by and told us he fixed it as he was leaving.  I was quick to notice he lied.  Whenever I went to the bathroom, I always found this toilet running.  I started to make observations and checking the toilet periodically throughout the day, mainly because it is my favorite one to use and I don’t like port-o-potties, but that story is for another blog.    The handle was always stuck in the down position which meant the flap covering the hole at the bottom of the toilet tank was left open.  A simple push up on the handle, the flap would seal, and the toilet tank would fill up and stop running.  It is a very simple solution and one would think any simple person would be able to figure this out.  One evening, I walked in to find we had run out of water.  I checked my favorite toilet to see if it was the culprit.  Thanks to working with Dad, I was not scared to take off the tank cover and take a gander.  The flap was being held open by the float.  I had never seen this before.  I fixed it and then I reported it to the 1SG who said he would have it fixed, but there was nothing to fix in my opinion.  Therefore, I took matters into my own hands and created signs explaining how to use the toilet.  So far, my signs have worked and I haven’t entered the bathroom to hear my toilet running in over a day, but I am keeping my fingers crossed that this solution keeps working!

As I was leaving work last night, my other roommate stopped by and asked if I would like to walk with her to the Chapel Ministry Center.  We all remember how that turned out the last time I walked with her.  I didn’t want to tell her no, but I had an excuse in my pocket.  My replacement had not yet arrived, so I told her I could not walk with her.  She told me what route she was taking and was off.  The new LT and I made arrangements to switch shifts for a day so he could sleep in and we could break the monotony of this place.  I was thankful that my roommate was already in bed when I arrived.  I quietly changed, checked my iPad, and went to bed.  0430 comes awfully quick when you get home at 830pm and I knew since my other roommate was not yet back, I would have a midnight wake-up surprise. 

As I woke up to my alarm, I was astonished to find I had slept through the night.  I was excited and confused all at the same time.  How could this be that my other roommate did not wake me up in the middle of the night as she entered the room?  Did she come home last night?  Well, I can’t shine a light in her eyes to see if she is there, can I?  Shrugging it off, I got ready for the day, bundled up to fight the cold, and was off to work.  As I was crossing the street close to the building in which I work, I crossed paths with my other roommate.  We exchanged a quick hello as we passed and that is when I had to take a double take.  Had my other roommate been out all night?  What if she had been lying in a ditch dead somewhere?  When would someone have noticed her missing?  Is that why I slept through the night?  What was she possibly doing that had taken all night?  Let’s not even mention the fact that she is flying out this morning to visit her nurses in other parts of the country.  When was she planning on packing?  She has to be at the airport at 7am and it was 6am when we passed.  Oh well, at least I got a good night of sleep!

My new nickname is pending approval of all members within the office.  “Bulldog” is what they want to call me.  I find amusement throughout the day by yelling at co-workers who leave doors open and enter offices as if they own them as they stop by for information.  Let’s get this straight, we have an access roster for our office because we have a lot of secret information posted on our walls and we become very busy in here at the drop of a dime, so we can’t have too many unnecessary visitors in here at any given time.  We have a half door so that people can get the information they need from the door.  A lot of Soldiers took to the habit of reaching over the half door to let themselves in and walk through the office to say hello to a friend or walk right up to our boss and ask him the stupidest question ever.  “Do you have tape” is a good example of something they would ask him when there are four desks, and people filling those desks, in front of him with tape sitting in plain sight.  I have now taken the responsibility of keeping pesky visitors out.  The Soldiers and I have come to such an understanding that they approach the door and stop, even if it is open, because they do not want to be harassed by me.  I am glad we all came to an understanding in proper access roster procedures, but really “Bulldog” as a nickname?  We can do better.

Speaking of bulldogs, I found a French Bulldog that I really like and want, not just for his looks but his personality as well (read the description from his foster mom).  I only hope he is still available when I return.  If you are truly interested to see the little guy, go to www.frenchbulldogrescue.org, click on available dogs, and look for Gimbal.  In my eyes, he is perfect!  What do you think?