APFT for Schmucks

The office is quite the interesting place lately.  Yesterday, they hosted their chips and salsa party for schmucks.  I had to leave because the insincerity of the entire situation made me sick.  I walked over to my roommate’s office and chit chatted with her until the new CPT tapped me on the shoulder to let me know I had a phone call.  It was a friend of mine from college letting me know he was here.  He is with some Special Forces group so he is here for about four months and then goes back home for a little bit only to return for another four months or so.  I started joking with him by telling him that it was not fair that he arrives in country after me and leaves before me.

I took a diagnostic physical fitness test yesterday.  The First Sergeant wanted to gauge everyone to see where we were physically and open some eyes to those who think they are fit and are not.  It worked.  A lot of Soldiers did not pass the run portion.  I quickly understood why as soon as I started running in the heat of the afternoon. 

I took my diagnostic separate from the other Soldiers, mainly because I work at six in the morning and no one else really wants to work a full day prior to taking their fitness test.  I arranged to have two pace runners with me because we were running on a track and I become easily distracted/bored when I am running in circles.  The First Sergeant told me to be at the track at four forty five.  I arrived a bit early and had the pleasure of watching a large group of guys play ultimate football on the field.  Our supply NCO arrived shortly after and we watched the game together for a bit.  Then we started to wonder where the First Sergeant was and why he was late.  He was never late.  We decided to go ahead and start the test without him.  The pushups and sit ups went well.  I did not do as many as I wanted to, but there was no use wearing myself out on a diagnostic.  The run was the most interesting portion.  I told the supply Sergeant that I wanted to run a pace of 2 minutes per lap.  This would have me complete the run in 16 minutes.  I also told him that I would be happy with anything under 17 minutes.  He agreed and told me he would set the pace and I would just have to keep up with him.  That didn’t sound too difficult. 

As he said “GO” and took off at a sprint, I thought, “Lord, help me.”  I kept up with him for a little bit and yelled at him that I couldn’t maintain that pace.  He tried to tell me it was a two minute pace but when we passed the start point he admitted he was wrong and that we had just run a quarter mile in one minute twenty seconds.  That is almost as fast as my high school 400meter sprint.  I was dying!  The cotton-mouth took effect within the first 100 meters.  My mouth was so dry it was hard to breathe.  My legs felt like jello, but I had seven laps to go.  My pace slowed and all I wanted was a drink of water.  I started to search for a water station like the ones they have at marathons with the people holding cups of water out for runners to grab, splash, and throw.  I had no such luck.  By the end of the fourth lap, I was starting to feel warmed up.  My pace quickened and I fell into a rhythm with my steps and my breathing.  I was starting to feel good.  The supply NCO was giving me words of encouragement and continuing to push me to quicken my pace even more.  He wanted to sprint the last lap.  I started to oblige, but quickly slowed again.  I felt like I was going to hurl.  I finished with a less than satisfactory time, but it is done and I am thankful.  Now I have to start working to improve upon this test for the real fitness test in a month.