The Itsy, Bitsy Spider

Allow me to fill you in on a little secret; Afghanistan is very dusty.  It is not your usual dust that comes in cute little bunny forms.  It is a dirty dust.  It is not sand or dirt, but rather a combination of the two in a talcum powder form that hinders breathing and gathers in every crevice imaginable.  This dust forms a cloud upon the slightest impact.  Due the amount of vehicular traffic, there is a permanent dust cloud encompassing the FOB.  I can only imagine what it looks like from the outside looking in; it must be like a superdome but without tangible walls, just dust.  The only time we can clearly see the sun or moon is after it rains.  I have been here roughly thirty days now, and it has rained once for about five minutes and it was only a slight drizzle.  Not positive, but I think the lack of rain contributes to our dust problem.

So, you can see the issue we have with sweeping plywood floors that are covered in this dust brought in by the boots of many Soldiers.  To mitigate this, I went to an amazing website that carries everything from A to Z.  Well, it would be amazing if they shipped everything from A to Z to Afghanistan.  Apparently, the item I chose was unavailable for shipment to a war torn country.  This is not the first time I have encountered this issue.  I tried to order the book “A Tale of Two Cities” from the same site without success due to this same issue.  However, they did ship a book titled “Survival in Auschwitz.”  I found that ironic, but seeing as I needed something on how to survive a horrible situation, I bought it. 

I called home and described my predicament.  To which my wonderful father went to the local hardware store, picked up a Shop Vac and shipped it for less than the internet price without shipping. 

The package arrived and it was like Christmas!  A new toy that will allow us to clean without the choking hazards of dust!  Oh, the thought!  I ripped open the package and with the enthusiasm of a child, I put together my new toy and got right to attacking the dust!  My NCO walks over and offers to clean for me (it really isn’t an officer thing to clean), but I told him I could manage.  He refers to me as a child with a new toy, to which I can only smile about because it’s true.  

I began to remove items from the desk in an attempt vacuum the desk top.  I picked up my personal folder that I have labeled VAO (Voting Assistance Officer) because I know those three letters will keep people from taking an interest in its contents.  My folder contains a certificate of completion for a course I took online, a detailed record of my military service, a reservation for a course I will attend upon returning to the States, and of course some voting information for my Soldiers.  As I pick up my folder, I notice a tiny, clear looking spider on it.  I threw my folder to the air, spreading its contents to the middle of the office floor, while executing a silent scream of terror.  I began to dance a strange jig on top of my paperwork and stomped my feet in an attempt to kill what I could not see, a tiny, tan spider.  All the while, my NCO is staring at me like I am not well in the head. 

I think he realized what was going on, because he politely asked, “Is it my turn to clean now, Ma’am?”