CORNHOLE!

One of our LT’s bought a game called “Tail Gate Toss” but in reality it is a “Corn hole” set.  If you are from Ohio, you know exactly what I am describing!  It is bringing morale to the troops four at a time as we are having a tournament today.  It is very amusing to see people who didn’t even know what this game was to turn around and kick some butt!  Can we call that natural talent?

We have a new addition to our unit today.  He is a CPT who was the XO for a Preventive Medicine Detachment.  He didn’t play nice with others, as he puts it, so we adopted him into our unit for the duration of his deployment.  We had lunch together today, mainly because he was going to eat with the supply crowd and the supply crowd was waiting for me to go eat.  That is correct, no more lunches with strangers.  I have been adopted by the supply crowd for lunch time fun. 

This is going to be a short one today as we are all very busy today with paperwork and other such fun items you can only find at work.

Grossness

What a day, what a day!  I ended my night at the office last night successfully annoyed by my co-workers.  Two of them were talking about the end of civilization and debating how it was going to happen while another co-worker decided to listen to every ring tone on his phone at the loudest volume possible.  Another co-worker found a website with fart noises and continued to play them through all this thinking he was tricking people into thinking he was farting.  Add the TV to all that noise and this office quickly became unbearable.  I sat in my chair knowing there was no place to escape to unless I froze my bum or looked awkward sitting somewhere random in the building.  I put my hands together, rested my head upon them, and said a little prayer for patience while focusing on my breathing. 

When my shift replacement arrived, he looked rather upset and pulled the boss outside the office to chat for a while.  I remained in place in case it was an issue that would require me to work additional hours.  He returned with a smile on his face, so I hopped a ride back to the MOD with the 1SG who casually mentioned he was conducting a four mile run in the morning.  I decided to join him.  I need to get out more for PT anyway. 

Back in my room, my roommate was already in bed.  I found my desk lamp and quietly started getting ready for bed.  As I whipped out my iPad, I remembered that it was Monday night.  Monday nights are FaceTime nights with Dad.  When we were done chatting, I setup my computer to watch episodes of “Modern Family” and eventually fall asleep.  I heard a hairdryer in the distance as I was dozing off.  When a larger commotion erupted, I decided to get up and check it out.  The breaker was tripped and the lights were out in the bathroom.  There were three females huddled around the breaker box with an instruction manual, so I just went to the bathroom and left them to figure it out.  Yes, I could have fixed it for them, but it was more empowering for them to fix what they broke.  Besides, who wants a smart ass to show up after putting forth all this effort into resolving a problem to simply flip the switch that is facing the wrong direction?  They had this under control and there was no need for me to make them feel stupid. 

My other roommate did not return to the room until 330am.  I am not sure what she was doing, but she woke everyone up when she came in so early in the morning.  She didn’t turn her light out until 4am, so I ended up just getting up and meeting the 1SG for our run.  We were scheduled for 5am anyway.  At 8am, my roommate announced that the bathroom did not have hot water, but that she had the code to the door of another “female only” MOD so we could use their bathroom. 

The lack of hot water was due to our water heater not being reset after the breaker was tripped the night prior.  Our other roommate started blaming the tripped breaker on too much moisture in the restroom.  Trust me, there is never enough moisture in a restroom located in a frozen desert with two exhaust fans and a heater.  Not to mention the fact that all the electrical outlets in the bathroom are setup for outdoor use and have airtight covers on them.  When I pointed this out to her, she started blaming the electricians.  I also pointed out to her, that in my experience, most tripped breakers are due to hairdryers.  She didn’t want to hear it and continued to blame the trip on the electrical work.  I can’t stand to be around ignorant people so I left to shower in the other MOD. 

It is amazing to see how one’s standards of living change when introduced to a different environment for a prolonged period of time.  For example, the other MOD had really nice showers.  If I had just come from my home in Alabama, I would not have appreciated these showers.  It was not the amount of hair on the floor and shower walls, nor the amount of sitting water on the floor, nor the torn shower curtains that caught my eye.  It was the showerheads.  They were big, not rusty looking, and actually supplied water pressure. 

I returned to the room to discuss this with my roommate who agreed their showers were better than ours.  We are looking into fixing this situation by requesting new showerheads in our showers.  It is about time too because ours are gross looking.  While we were discussing shower conditions our other roommate left and my roommate took the opportunity to change the topic to something a bit more serious. 

“Did you hear what time the Ma’am came in last night?” 

“Of course I did, she came in at 330 in the morning and didn’t turn her light off until 4!”

“Girl, what the hell is she doing out so late?”

“You tell me.”

“I asked her, she said she went to Bible study.”

“Until 330 in the morning?”

“You know she slept in her clothing, right?”

“What?”

“Yea, she just hopped out of bed fully dressed, went to the bathroom and now she is leaving for work.”

“Thanks for the heads up.”

Note to self: Stay away from your other roommate today.

Wrecked

I snuggled in last night to the movie “Wreck it Ralph” which turned out to be a really cute movie.  I really like movies that express someone’s imagination so creatively, understandably, and in a way to which I can relate.  When I was very young, I used to take movie titles and create stories around them.  The one that sticks out in my mind is “The Fisher King” which is a 1991 film starring Jeff Bridges and Robin Williams.  This movie is about a suicidal radio DJ that helps a homeless man and in turn helps himself mentally and emotionally.  My version, having never seen the previews, involved a King that liked to fish who was married to a tiny woman, comparable in size to Thumbelina, who disappeared one day accidentally in a bag of groceries.  The King became very sad because he thought his wife had left him, but in the end everyone is happy and the Queen is found.  Taking a lesson from Disney, all my stories had happy endings, just like the movie “Wreck it Ralph” (which is actually a Pixar film). 

I am ahead of the game in my work submissions so today is a rather boring day.   I have to go look for some trouble to get in to so I can write about it for you…give me a minute.

I just had lunch with the most interesting man I have met in the last three months.  I went to lunch alone, enjoying my newfound confidence and independence, and although there were many individuals from my unit satisfying their hunger, I chose to sit nestled between strangers at a long table that did not contain anyone from my unit.  I was enjoying my salad and roast turkey when a gentleman two empty seats down from me asks if I am a part of a medical unit.  We had a nice conversation about Combat Support Hospitals, Multi-Functional Medical Battalions, and previous deployments, but this is not the interesting fellow.  Sitting across from him and catty-corner to me was the fascinating man who originally told me he was from California.  This fantastic human being was actually born in Kabul, Afghanistan.  He moved to California in 1980 when Russia was invading Afghanistan.  This is his third trip back to Afghanistan in support of Operation Enduring Freedom.  Are you curious yet as to what he does here?  He is a dam engineer.  He designs and oversees the construction of the dams here in Afghanistan alongside a US Soldier (the guy sitting across from him).  This guy is a genius!  How lucky I am to talk with him and hear about his experiences. 

The movie “Office Space” came on TV today and we are currently comparing their situations to our situations here.  The overbearing amount of bosses to deal with, the cut backs in personnel, and the monotony of the job are all easily comparable components of this movie and life here.  We are still looking for the peppy annoying waiter, but most of the other roles are filled.  Makes me wonder who is going to be the one to burn the building down. 

Pizza Party!

My nickname has followed me to Afghanistan.  My COL now calls me CPT Mom and is instructing others to follow suit.  All I did was supply him with triple antibiotic cream when he bumped his head so hard that it started to bleed.  My bad for protecting his skinned bald head from infection, but I like the nickname and it kind of suits me, I guess.

Today is pizza party day!  I went out and bought four pizzas to feed everyone in my shop.  I miss the low prices of pizza in the States.  Four pizzas, (2 Supreme, 1 Pepperoni, and 1 Cheese) each with a 12” diameter, cost me $60.  Its only saving grace is that it is the best pizza here on Kandahar.  It has a thick flavorful crust, is loaded with toppings, and cooked to perfection. 

Sunday is what we call movie day.  Because it is a low manning day, the building is quiet and we have the least amount of interruptions compared to a regular work day.  We take the opportunity to knock out products and watch movies in the background.  We got a lot of work done yesterday, so today consists of touch up work on products and free time.   We accidently broke our HDMI cable that led from a personal computer to our TV so instead we are all huddled around the computer watching “GI Joe” the new one with Channing Tatum. 

The COL came in while we were buried in pizza and the movie.  He didn’t have any business to attend to, he just wanted to sit and chat for a while about football, family, and life in general.  He said he was procrastinating from writing his speech for the ceremony honoring our Vet Detachment as they give up their responsibilities to another unit and head home.  It is nice to see a side of him that is professional but human, if that makes sense.

Once we were full of pizza and tired of being huddled around a small computer, we took up a collection and sent the new NCO to the PX to buy a new HDMI cable.  Now, we are peacefully working at our stations with a movie on our TV in a location we can all see and hear from all parts of the room.  My work is done for the day and I am just wasting time until my replacement arrives.  That is correct, I am surfing Facebook.

Frenchie

I think my other roommate finally ran out of steam.  The bad news is that she restocked on energy this morning when she was still not awake when I left the room at 945.  She finally made it to work around noon and it looked like she had just completed her daily trip to the Post Office.  As soon as she arrived, she dropped off her new boxes and left to get a snow cone.  By the time she finally got settled into work and found it necessary to talk to my boss, he had already left for lunch and she was rushing to get information.  Her product was turned in late, but what can you expect when you don’t get to work until after noon because you have been up most of the night prior.  It must be nice to be a COL.

It is a beautiful sunny day outside and I was just informed that the soccer field received new goals.  I could not jump for joy any higher.  Please note my sarcasm, and if you do not understand, you haven’t read enough of my blog posts. 

The new LT attacked the office once again.  This time he decided the TV was too fuzzy.  He dismounted the TV from its corner home, cut a large hole in the plywood mount, remounted the TV, plugged everything back in, and VOILA, crystal clear television.  What part did I play in all this?  I played the role of dumb blonde and retrieved power tools from the Medical Logistics Company.  The LT did not want to gather the tools for his project because he said the Soldiers were mean to him on his last visit to borrow tools.  I wandered my way over to their place of business and talked with a very nice NCO who not only gave me every power tool I requested, but taught me how to use them, made sure I had all necessary adapters, and took an additional ten minutes to search for nuts and bolts that I may or may not require for my project.  I am pretty sure he was on the verge of asking to do the project for me.  When I returned to the office and told everyone how nice they were to me, they looked at me like I was insane.  Oh well, at least the project is done. 

I don’t think the LT had  enough demolition worked out of his system because the next time I saw him he was ripping shelving off the walls with a crowbar and a hammer in the supply NCO’s office.  I have a feeling that when he is done renovating this building, we aren’t going to want to leave.   Well, we will want to leave, but we will have just gotten comfortable with our work environment.

I am thinking about getting a French Bulldog when I get home.  What do you think?

Fail

Mission fail: the post office was open until 2am.  I do not know where she conjures all this energy.  She had a late night of working, PT at 6am, a full day of work, and still she manages to pack boxes for mailing until 2am!

I have had quite an amazing day though all things considered.  I stayed in bed until about 830am.  I did have plans to get to the gym at 730am, but they fell through as my want to stay in bed outweighed my want to run on a treadmill.  I left for work early because my other roommate was prancing around the room in her granny panties and bra packing her post office boxes and doing God only knows what else.  I figured leaving the situation would be more effective in the long run than gouging out my eyeballs. 

I got to work in time to hear the Deputy Chief of Operations (DCO) asking my boss to make a commercial for AFN regarding “suicide prevention”.  My boss and his NCO have focused their attention wholeheartedly towards this project.  They want it to be funny but serious while incorporating their tiny plastic combat helmets they ordered from an online toy store and modified to look like something out of an old WWII movie.  I feel like making a sign for the office door announcing that nothing will happen today because we are playing Hollywood.  At least they are putting their debauchery to good use and leaving me out of it. 

After two cups of coffee and a cup of tea with honey, I was ready for anything.  That is until it was discovered that the night shift crew busted the monitor to one of our laptop computers.  How did they break the monitor to a laptop?  Playing their stupid games.  Seriously, they were throwing rubber bouncy balls at each other and hit the monitor so hard it busted.  To avoid a statement of charges, they told everyone that the computer somehow fell on the floor.  To which the question was asked, “So how did this perfectly round cracked dent get there?”  Unfortunately, everyone in the building knows how much this office plays and how they play.  How do they play?  They have a game called “Ball Attack” where everyone in the office grabs a handful of multiple sizes of rubber bouncy balls, dons eye protection, and throws the handful of balls at a wall.  The balls bounce, hit people, and make a lot of noise.  Yes, we run the Task Force.  Because of the knowledge of this game, a statement of charges was created and the replacement monitor is going to be paid for out of pocket.  And my office wonders why I never play their games.

I think we are about to start a television show starring our new LT called “Extreme Makeover, Office Edition” because he is now renovating the office connected to my office.  He is adding shelves, organizing, and cleaning while the NCO who runs the office is out traveling.  The door is closed, all we can hear is the pounding of a hammer, and all we can see is the materials going in and out.  The big reveal will be when the NCO returns and unlocks her office for the first time.   How exciting!

Somehow I have just been volunteered to be in this commercial.  How do these things happen to me?  All I suggested was that they have a female role in their male dominated commercial.  An EO representative was going to say it if I didn’t and now I have a role in this suicide prevention commercial.  I thought I left my acting days back in high school. 

Mission Not Impossible!

PT this morning wasn’t so bad.  Aside from the fact I thought I had frostbite on my hands when I returned, my plan to get my other roommate to attend this early morning group physical training worked!  She may have arrived late and not joined in the soccer game, but she was out there walking the track and making observations. 

It was bitter cold this morning at 0545.  I was dressed in layers that included shorts, pants, a long sleeve shirt, jacket, gloves, and my fleece hat.  As my roommate and I left the room, our other roommate was just waking up.  We walked together to the middle of the Boardwalk where the field was located and migrated to a group of Soldiers we noticed huddled on the field hoping this was our group.  There were a few Soldiers kicking around a soccer ball, a few Soldiers huddled together trying to fight off the cold, and few Soldiers gossiping and making fun of the Soldiers kicking around the soccer ball.  There was a nice frost on the ground and everyone’s breathes were visible in the form of steam. 

After confirming all Soldiers were present that were mandated to be in attendance, we started our warm-up exercises.  Unfortunately, some of these exercises involved lying on the frozen turf.  My gloves were soon soaked and I was not happy.  I have never truly understood some of these new warm-up exercises and would have preferred to stick with the old way of warming up which consisted of stretches and jumping jacks.  Soon, the announcement was made that we would be playing soccer and that if you were not fully engaged, you would be freezing your butt off for the next 45 minutes.

As we were playing soccer, there was an NCO that was walking laps around the field.  She recently severed the tip of her finger and was unable to participate in the soccer game for obvious reasons.  We also have an NCO with a fresh knee injury who is in a wonderful knee brace that makes him look like RoboCop when he walks.  He spent most of the game standing next to the goal keeping the goalie company.  We won’t mention my NCOIC who has a brittle bone disorder and kept watch of the other goal for the game. 

I positioned myself on the far side of the field and walked back and forth from goal line to goal line.  If the ball came my way, I would try my best to kick it, but I mostly froze my bum off.  There are three reasons as to why I did not fully engage in this soccer game. 

1-I always get hurt in these company sports days.  I can remember my very first sports PT day, I got whiplash from an E6 with the nickname of “Freight Train” when he tried to tackle me in an Ultimate Frisbee game.  There is no tackling in Ultimate Frisbee, it’s just my luck. 

2-I am not athletic.  When I was deployed to Iraq, we had a sand volleyball court.  The only time I was ever invited to play was when the Company needed a good laugh.  This was confirmed by my Platoon Sergeant at the time. 

3-I have an extremely long fuse, but when that fuse runs out, people end up with black eyes and missing teeth.  When I played basketball at the Prep School, I was always put in for the last two minutes of the game and always managed to foul out. 

I felt it was for the good of all that I remained as far away from the ball as possible.  As it turns out, I have a large red bump on my shin from when the ball came near me and I kicked shins with an LT, fully supporting my number 1 reason for not wanting to be involved in a sports PT session.

When we returned from PT my other roommate started talking about how she was going to save the walkers from freezing for the next PT session.  Mission accomplished!  Although, I think she is under the impression I am a walker…hmmm.  I will maintain updates on her bedtime as this will truly predict mission success.